How would you respond to middle of the night alarming texts. I can tell in that moment they feel "alone".
If someone feels alone, how should we respond? Focus on that and you'll find your answer, you know your kid much better than we do.
A big part is actually listening as well, that shows empathy and compassion. But if the call is a blame-fest, you can also consider hanging up or informing her that you'll call her back in the morning once you had some time to think about it.
Your daughter abuses you because you allow her to- that's what it ultimately comes down to. She's mentally ill and can't accept that, so it's always someone else's fault. When she's disordered, there's no telling what she might say and you have to cut her off at some point; it's not healthy for either one of you.
She needs to learn that mom is an ally and you don't attack allies; somehow she never learned that lesson since it's so common with BPDs.
