Financial support -best methods

[Jkc]

So dd19, been a long year of struggles but home and making positive attempts at life (resumed therapy with a new person, looking for jobs, trying a college class, etc).

We want to support.

We have had issues with money in the past-stealing cash, misuse of credit card. We attempt a credit card a year+ ago with attempts to work on budgeting, and it was pretty much a fail. (Routinely went up to or over the limit).

She's better at out of house help like shopping tasks vs cleaning. She needs support like gas, food when out, etc. I give cash but it's hard to track and not convenient. We don't like giving our card and we don't want to be attached to another card with her again.

She will spend basically every dime she has if she has it. She copes by shopping when disregulated, she solves problems (like not having a shirt clean/in her drawer) by shopping, she likes to get fast food (food is another coping mechanism).

I think we need like a card that we (her &us) can all see the transactions and we can load with smaller amounts of $ to help regulate the spend.

How do you all navigate stuff like this? I hate doing venmo and electronic transfers too. It just gets murky.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Notwendy]

This card was mentioned to me as a way to help my elderly BPD mother manage her money but she'd have nothing to do with it. It was her money and so I had no say in it.

However, in your situation, it's your money and you do have a say in that. Your money, your rules!! It says disability but I think it's for any adult who needs additional help with managing funds.

https://www.truelinkfinancial.com/prepaid-card/with-disability

[Notwendy]

Same card, different use:
https://www.truelinkfinancial.com/prepaid-card/aging-adults

It seems to be versatile

[Notwendy]

My BPD mother also spent money in a dysregulated fashion. If she had it, she spent it. After my father passed - all their assets went to her to do what she wished. Unfortunately, we had no way to intervene and she wouldn't allow us (or anyone else) to help her manage her money.

So, I think it's good that you get a handle on this for your D- so you don't enable this behavior but also assist her if she's doing well. I agree- be cautious and don't load a lot on it. I'd calculate an allowance- modest- for the few things she may need and see how she does. If she spends it reasonably for a couple of months- you can reward that behavior with a small financial "treat"- like funds for Starbucks or something at Target.  If she spends it all quickly- well there's nothing left till the end of the month. That's real life- and she can learn this in a safe manner. 

[kells76]

My H's youngest is 17 and has a Venmo card (as a minor, a parent had to approve her getting the card). It functions like a debit card but is not attached to a bank. Parents and adults can Venmo money onto the card via a phone app, and the transfer is instantaneous. There may be other ways to load it with money -- my H primarily uses the app. I believe there is probably visibility/audit trail for how much is in there and how/where it is spent, but I'm not sure (I don't have the app).

Could be worth looking into, if you want a non-credit card where you also have visibility to and management over funds going on the card/leaving the card.