My 26 Year Old son was recent diagnosed with BPD and PTSD

[SFBPD-Mom11]

We finally have an explanation of my son’s behavior. I divorced his abusive Dad when he was only 2 and a half but was unable to get sole custody (my ex had lots of $$$ for expensive lawyers) so he spent a lot of time with his horrible Dad.

Now we are trying to give him a fresh start in a new small city, living close by. My son is thrilled for this new phase. He has a therapist appointment this week with a BPD specialist. We just need to be provided some hope that he will be able to have a somewhat normal, healthy and happy life where he can support himself and have healthy relationships.

SFBPDmom

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[CC43]

Hi there,

I'm glad that both of you are looking forward to a new start.  It can also be a relief to put a name to your son's troubling and often self-destructive behaviors:  BPD.  How did he take the diagnosis?  For some people, the victim attitude and learned helplessness associated with BPD is so strong, that accepting such a diagnosis doesn't validate the running narrative that other people are to blame.  When my stepdaughter got the diagnosis, she sure didn't like it.  But I thought it fit her to a T.  The upside is that BPD is treatable, with the right therapy.  The rub is that your son has to want to make some changes in order to start feeling better.  If he has a therapist that he trusts, that can be a good start.  The other rub is, there is no magic pill (literally), and there's no quick fix.  Nevertheless, positive change is possible.  My stepdaughter fought to make changes in her life, and she is doing much, much better today.  It's pretty amazing how she emerged from the depths of despair and dysfunction in around 18 months.  I guess my message is, there is hope, and that progress begins with baby steps.  To me, the direction of movement (i.e. moving forward) is much more important than the speed of movement.  Now, my stepdaughter didn't always move forward in a straight line, and she did experience some setbacks.  She still hasn't repaired important relationships in her life.  But she has managed to stay away from the BPD pit of rage and despair.

I'd say, start with baby steps.  What's a realistic baby step that your son can take right now?  Without knowing much about him, I'm not sure what to advise.  Maybe one baby step is to keep his therapy appointments.  That should be his number one priority until he stabilizes.  If he's stable, maybe another baby step is to take an online class or job training program/certification.  Or maybe it's to get a simple, very part-time job like dog walking.  Earning some money, taking some responsibility and having some sort of routine is beneficial in my opinion.  Another baby step is to exercise regularly.  Joining a gym and going once or twice a week could be another baby step.  This is the sort of healthy habit that builds self-confidence and healthy relationships.  I'm sure his therapist will have some suggestions for him.  I'm betting that healthy habits are included, like regular sleep/wake times, healthy meals, exercise, etc.  After all, healthy habits and consistent routines reduce stress, and reducing stress can go a ways to reducing BPD behavior triggers.  Is your son trying to live on his own for the first time?  This can be a difficult challenge for people with BPD, who might feel abandoned when alone.

Finally, how are you coping?  If you're like many parents on these boards, you've felt desperation, frustration, anger, grief, stress and/or hopelessness.  Many people find therapy to be beneficial.  I myself doubled down on healthy habits (to reduce stress), and I walked in nature.  A lot.  I found that if the stress level in the household got too high, it was best that I take a little breather, and try to return to the home in a calmer state, so as not to add emotional fuel to the fire.

Good luck.