First thread for me mom of BPD daughter

[Whale]

Hi it's wonderful to have found this online group.  I am so grateful for the support!  I have 28 yr old daughter who lives with me with BPD. Boy it's intense. I have tried to help her but it's never enough.  I never know when she is going to go off ie angry tantrums. I am very concerned when she says she wants to die and/or kill herself. I try to reassure her that she is loved but not enough for her. Any suggestions on how to respond to my daughter wanting to die.  I feel so drained I one thing I learned was not to respond to her angry verbal attacks that helps. Thank you so much!

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[CC43]

Hi there,

My BPD stepdaughter often spoke about hopelessness and wanting to die when she was upset. There were times it sounded like she was venting her pessimism and negativity. But there were other times she sounded unhinged and out of control, and those were really scary times. It was hard to know what to say or how to act, but feeling dread and fear were regular occurrences. I felt like I was on suicide watch for around three years. And she did attempt suicide multiple times. I’m distressed to say that none of the attempts were a surprise, because she seemed so unstable and unhinged leading up to those moments.

I think suicidal talk should be taken seriously. You could ask your daughter if she wants you to call 911 for her. That way, she retains control of the situation. If she refuses the help, then you might feel relieved for the time being. And if she does want you to call 911 for her, then maybe she’ll get the professional help she needs.

Look, it’s understandable that your daughter doesn’t want to go to the hospital, and you likely don’t want to put her through that. But the hospital might be what she needs right now. There was one time my stepdaughter made a suicide attempt and her dad found her vomiting up the pills she had ingested. She asked him not to make her go to the hospital. Then he asked me to pretend like nothing happened. I said to him, honey, you’re not thinking straight, she needs to go to the hospital right now, she’s not well and needs to get help. Fortunately, she did. Though she had yet another attempt after that, she had a long case history, and she got even more professional help. Today, suicidal threats are off the table.