How and why and help

[Parents! Get help here!]

I feel like I’m in a living hell. My 16yo daughter has been in and out of hospital for 10 months with anorexia and now diagnosed with bpd.
She hates me. She thinks I punished her by taking away her phone during hospital admission number 6 (following up on a consequence which was meant to be a deterrent for said hospital visit) and hasn’t spoken to me for 3 months. Her life is in a complete shambles. I know she is overwhelmed, new school failed so no friends, old school was full of bullying, hasn’t attended school for a year. Totally cut off from people but desperate for them and cannot see how she has arrived here…..
I am giving myself a crash course in parenting a BPD person and know what I need to do. Have changed significantly.

But there is no joy. Nothing in return. She can’t see her part in anything. Doesn’t think her therapists are doing anything to help her just wants to be dead.

[Shockedmother]

I feel like I’m in a living hell. My 16yo daughter has been in and out of hospital for 10 months with anorexia and now diagnosed with bpd.
She hates me. She thinks I punished her by taking away her phone during hospital admission number 6 (following up on a consequence which was meant to be a deterrent for said hospital visit) and hasn’t spoken to me for 3 months. Her life is in a complete shambles. I know she is overwhelmed, new school failed so no friends, old school was full of bullying, hasn’t attended school for a year. Totally cut off from people but desperate for them and cannot see how she has arrived here…..
I am giving myself a crash course in parenting a BPD person and know what I need to do. Have changed significantly.

But there is no joy. Nothing in return. She can’t see her part in anything. Doesn’t think her therapists are doing anything to help her just wants to be dead.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[In4thewin]

I don't now what to say other than I relate to all of it, as does everyone else here. It's a nightmare in every way. Like grieving someone who is still alive and desperate to do ANYTHING to change the situation and remove your child's pain--- while being in deep pain yourself. Drowning in it. Both of us. I truly wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy---- to have BPD or love someone with it. Just try to take care of yourself. I know it's very hard. I struggle with applying this advice myself all the time because I'm so consumed with wanting my precious daughter back. Sorry to not offer anything but solidarity. You aren't alone.