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[PeaceTogether]

New here. I’m the father of a 21-year-old borderline daughter. Over the past few years, our family has been navigating a lot of emotional ups and downs, and I’ve been learning as much as I can about BPD—both to better understand my daughter’s experiences and to take care of my own mental health.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[CC43]

Hi Peace,

Welcome to the group.  I bet if you take some time to read some posts, you'll see a lot of familiar themes.  Given your alias, I bet your household feels like a war zone, correct?  My stepdaughter was diagnosed with BPD at your daughter's age, and at that time I was feeling shellshocked.  In fact, I think my stepdaughter was an emotional terrorist, as she went "nuclear" with her suicidal gestures and attempts.  If she didn't get what she wanted, she'd threaten with her life.  That is a heartbreaking, nerve-wracking and very dangerous game to play.

What would you say is your biggest issue right now?  Please feel free to share, if you're up for it.  Do you feel Fear, Obligation and Guilt?  If so, you might be making decisions in a FOG.  Let me say right off that it's not your fault, no matter what your daughter accuses you of.  It's BPD, not you.  Once you get out of the FOG, you might find some relief.

In the meantime, I'd say the most important thing is to take care of yourself first.  You're no good to your daughter if you're a basket case.  When I was feeling stressed out, I found that what worked for me was exercise, namely long walks in nature.  Others on these boards find therapy to be of help.  I also learned that I wasn't alone, and that has been a comfort.  I have a few close friends who have special needs kids, and though the needs aren't exactly the same, they are needs nonetheless, and they have been creative in finding solutions that work for them.

All my best to you.