burning issue of the day no. 1.

[Yepanotherone]

so this little gem goes on... and on... .and on... .for hours... .and hours ... .and literally hours... .I am not exaggerating! Last night myself and my husband were subjected to literally 6 hours solid of non stop harassment about this particularly topic... ." can my boyfriend come round tonight?". She starts off angry, screaming, shouting, slamming doors... .then tears... .then back to screaming and shouting. the conversation went something like this:

DD - Can E***n come round tonight?
Me: No.
DD:  Why not?
Me:  You know why not.
DD:  you're being ridiculous. WHY can't he come round.
Me: for the same reasons Ive been telling you for the last 8 weeks. He is no longer welcome in this house.
DD: but why?
Me: Because he lost our trust when we found out he has been supplying you drugs. And not only that, he's been bringing them into our house. And he got you into trouble with the police and encouraged you to participate in illegal activity. He cyberbullied you only 3 weeks ago when you first came out of hospital, calling you horrible nasty names and that's not okay. He's threatened to slash our tyres , and egg our property. So he is not welcome here anymore.
DD : okay? and so? he's apologized for all that.
Me:  Well an apology isn't enough. He's not a healthy person for you to have in your life nor ours. We will not allow people to bring drugs into our home.
DD: well he doesn't do them anymore. He's changed.
Me (he's actually not... he's still doing drugs and I know this for a fact... .Ive seen messages ... only 2 nights before he was encouraging her to do weed again!) : I know for a fact he's not changed. I'm in touch with his mum .
DD: Well he's apologized. why don't you just give him a second chance?
Me: because as far as drugs are concerned and what he has done in hurting you, there are no second chances.
DD: well you've literally not given me any reason why he can't come round... .WHY can't he come round?... .and so it goes on... .and we go round and round.
S... .so at this point I remain silent for a minute or 2.
DD : why are you ignoring me?
ME: I'm not ignoring you. I'm just getting tired of having this conversation go round and round . You wont' change my mind. no matter how often you ask, he is not getting to come round. Ever. it's not going to happen. And you're just getting yourself upset and wound up by asking the same question, when all you're going to get is the same answer.


So ... .I know I'm not doing well with this conversation . Aside from the fact it's really hard to contain my anger about what this boy has been doing and the fact I cannot STAND him now... .( I USED to like him before I found out he's actually a drug abusing supplier! and he was made very welcome in our home!... we even took him away with us for a weekend!)... .and aside from the fact that my DD has always been extremely persistent... .even as a toddler... .she has simply never taken no for an answer very well and my response to her question just does not seem to compute in any way, shape or form which is incredibly frustrating!

Thoughts on how to break this cycle?

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders