Raised by BPD mom, raised a BPD child

[Freereveryday]

After my daughter (27) was finally diagnosed this last January my mother's behavior throughout my childhood and her life finally made sense.. I've done a lot to process the very deep wounds I had previously thought were healed after my daughter displayed cruel, rageful and hateful behavior towards her almost 2 year old daughter while they were staying with me for an extended period of time.
The day she venomently defended screaming at her child - rageful, threatening and filled with profanities - to hold still for a diaper change right after waking up, I swear that a younger version of my mother rose from the dead before my eyes
Reliving that nightmare was torture compounded by it reoccurring to my granddaughter and my total inability to stop it.
It was a long, chaotic ordeal. I was able to care for my granddaughter away from her mom for a period of time but had to return her to her care. I've done everything I can to get help for the child.
My daughter went NC as soon as her daughter was returned. It's not clear exactly why. I hope it's because someone intervened. I'm not good at deciphering her thought processes so I try not to spend time speculating.
My heart is heavy for that sweet, empathic little girl living through intentionally inflicted emotional pain and the destabilizing confusion that fills her home.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Notwendy]

Oh gosh, I know you are feeling this for your grandchild and the child you were. I also had put the memories of my childhood with BPD mother behind me. Some I didn't even recall. However, when my father got ill, and I stayed with my parents to help for a while- the longest I had stayed with them since college- and saw my BPD mother's behaviors, some memories came back.

It was scary. It was like I had thought of them as a dream, not real, but then, I knew they were real.

I strongly recommend counseling. I have done this too.  While this feels difficult, it's also an opportunity to work on your past experiences and this will help you with the current ones. It also helps to have the emotional support. Posting here can help too.