Practical help please

[Millicent61@]

Hello, this is my first post.
My SwBPD is 29. We just had a real nasty family scene involving Swbpd. We couldn't say anything slightly challenging, he just blew.
Shouting aggressively with those dark vacant eyes.
It was horrible. No apology from him, no acknowledgement he behaved like that. My husband doesn't want to see him or talk to him.  I feel sad by it all, agree with my husband absolutely but sad for my son although no apology surprises me but not having read about this.
Where do we go from here?

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[SoVeryConfused]

Hi,
If you haven't, I suggest signing up for Family Connections with your husband. It's excellent support for families who are struggling to support a loved one. I don't have answers, but wanted to say I hear you and understand. This is a brutal illness and a sad one.

[Sancho]

I agree with so very confused especially if you and your husband can do it together. BPD is such a difficult condition to understand and to deal with - it's constant chaos is difficult to connect to a serious mental health condition.

If your husband does not want to, it would be good if he supports you to do the course and to relate to your son in a way that you feel comfortable. As you read the posts here you can see that everything is on the table: some people go no contact, others decide to find a way to live with their BPD child - and there is every other form of relating in between these.

If DH doesn't want to engage at this stage, I hope he supports you in whatever you decide. A mother caught in the middle is just awful.

You will also read here of parents being subjected to huge and awful outbursts. I couldn't write what my DD has hurled at me! These are the products of a dysfunctional brain. In my DD's case it was made worse by substance abuse (do you know if DS is using?) - when she was using she was okay - it was the withdrawal days that were shocking.

Where from here?
If you haven't already, give it a bit of time to settle.
Find out where you and DH are in relation to moving forward.
Get as much information as you can - and pass this on to DH if possible.

If and when you think the time is right, perhaps a brief text to DS?

[Millicent61@]

Hi, thank you for responding.  Most of what my husband feels now is years of this from my son & the impact.  Also, my husband i don't think really gets BPD & its impact on my son's life.
Yes my son does take other substances which will definitely affect my son's paranoia & voices in his head.
Family Connections, is that available around the world, I live in the UK?
Thank you for your advice.

[Sancho]

I have asked what the situation is if you are in the UK and will get back to you.

[Sancho]

Hi Millicent162
If you go to this site https://www.borderlinepersonalitydisorder.org/family-connections/

you will see you can email to see if there is an affiliate who runs the program in the UK. I am not sure why they limit to US, Canada and Australia when it can be attended online.

I suggest you use the email link fc@neabpd.org to see how to do the course in the UK.

Let's know how you get on.