Ex-spouse of BPD wife struggling through 3-year long divorce

[Parents! Get help here!]

I've gone through counseling with two different counselors who have helped me. Now my insurance says I need to find a new counselor. It will be hard to find someone to fulfill the shoes of my last one so I am hoping I can find someone(s) that are willing to share and help each other dealing with a BPD spouse or ex-spouse.
Without going into all the details, my ex-wife checks all 8 or 9 boxes of someone with BPD, but she has not been diagnosed (I don't believe) and now she seems to be developing a wedge between me and my step-daughter, which was my biggest fear.
So much to tell but I am a willing sympathetic listener also. Just think it would be helpful to find someone who can relate. Thanks.

[Skaglegus]

I've gone through counseling with two different counselors who have helped me. Now my insurance says I need to find a new counselor. It will be hard to find someone to fulfill the shoes of my last one so I am hoping I can find someone(s) that are willing to share and help each other dealing with a BPD spouse or ex-spouse.
Without going into all the details, my ex-wife checks all 8 or 9 boxes of someone with BPD, but she has not been diagnosed (I don't believe) and now she seems to be developing a wedge between me and my step-daughter, which was my biggest fear.
So much to tell but I am a willing sympathetic listener also. Just think it would be helpful to find someone who can relate. Thanks.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Sancho]

Hi Skaglegus
I'm sorry that you are losing support at a time when you really need it. If she does have BPD, I would find it predictable that your ex wife would try to shut you out of your step daughter's life. BPD is such a complex illness - as you probably know if you have lived with someone who has the condition.

You are in a very difficult position. Can you tell me how old sd is now and how old was she when you first entered her life?

Also in what ways do you notice your former wife trying to put a wedge and how do you respond?

Someone with BPD needs to be the focus of attention of significant others or they can feel rejected/abandoned. I imagine that if your sd spent time with you and returned to her mum obviously happy about her time with you, this would trigger these feelings.

It is important to understand BPD and what is the cause of the emotional rollercoaster that seems to dominate life for the person and those around them. The resources here would be helpful and also reading other's posts - although your position is different to many others and needs careful consideration.

So sorry to hear you are in this situation. It is indeed difficult.