I am new to posting, but I have received huge, life-changing help from the posts I have read on this board. This is a wonderful group of people, and I thank you for sharing your stories. My oldest child, my daughter (almost 20) has not been diagnosed officially, but she has exhibited classic behaviors and thinking of a person with bpd over many years. She struggled with depression in silence for a time...held it very close to herself, and my husband and I became acutely aware that she was suffering on a random weeknight, as she texted saying she wanted to die (I was out with another child at that moment, and I still did not understand when I read that text...thought it was just hyperbole for a hard day at school). I got home straight away and went to talk with her to find out what happened that day...next thing I knew there were police at the door as a friend of hers had called to make a request for a well-check. It was unreal. The low was related to a relationship gone bad...she started spiraling from there...very, very quickly and to great depths. This led to a journey which we now understand the depression and anxiety have been outgrowths of typical bpd thinking and behaving. It's a long story, but basically right now I want to tell you all that if you are blaming yourselves, this awful disease has NOTHING to do with your parenting. My husband and I are happily married, we have always been committed to being the best parents possible. I stayed home with my children to raise them. We have a loving, stable home, dinners around the table, our children were involved in anything that interested them...sports, clubs, groups, church, they attended a great school, have had good friends and loving extended family...idyllic. No trauma. We are certainly not perfect parents, but we have given our children a very strong foundation in life, and continue to be committed to that. STILL, this insidious mental illness has come to my child. So DO NOT blame yourself...do not search for the moment that you created this, because you did NOT create this. Absolutely horrific. Nightmare. Its impact has been toxic to our whole household (to 2 parents, 2 younger siblings, and of course for my daughter at the epicenter). For a good while, it ravaged our peace...I know it's taken years off my life (I joke that my telemeres are singed...like burnt,
), but we are getting back some peace now because things are different, and the things written on this board have helped us get there. It has been unfortunate but necessary that we substantially limit contact with our daughter...and she feels it's right for her, as well. I am looking forward to reading and posting more. This board gives me resolve to continue to do what is right for our family. Remember that you are not alone, and you are going to make it through, too. May you see some light, even in the smallest way, today.
