Daughter has BPD

[GaryThomas]

Not sure about this. Is this a real forum ? Just signed up . My middle Daughter was diagnosed with BPD about 4 years ago she is now coming up on 25 years old lives with my wife and I still. We have been thru Hell!... been to the emergency room at least 5 times she cuts herself and has tried to kill herself 3 times once with pills the others by slitting her wrist and neck. We are traumatized now and have had her in and out of facilities. Took her to the Mayo Clinic 3 weeks ago and they suggested ECT so we are looking into that. The Mayo used Gene Site report to look at her meds and said she has been prescribed meds that do not match what she should be prescribed. Now we are switching her meds and hoping for the best. We have a consult for ECT therapy next week. It seems kind of scary to think of her being electrically stimulated but we shall see we are desperate as I think we might loose her. Our marriage is in disarray as you can imagine please pray for us not sure we are doing the right thing but we have been on the rollercoaster of meds for many years and not sure what to do now I hope an pray that we are now on the right track thanks to the Mayo Clinic. 

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[CC43]

Hi there,

You've come to the right place.  Many parents here can relate to your story, from being worried sick to probably feeling traumatized and on edge all the time.  Every phone call or loud noise in the house gives you a panicked feeling, right?  Many parents are living in a FOG of Fear, Obligation and Guilt.  They are confused about what to do, because nothing seems to work, which can lead to disagreements about how to react and proceed, leading to considerable familial and marital tension.  Meanwhile, the other kids start to resent how their sibling consumes most of the attention and resources.  The home might feel like a hostile, dangerous war zone.  The aura is dark.  In the background, the family seems to mourn the loss of normalcy, love, calmness, the ability to celebrate Thanksgiving without a major crisis or meltdown.  As parents, you wonder if your daughter will get through this.  You wonder if YOU will get through this.  Does that sound about right?

I can relate to your post, as I have a stepdaughter who is a little older than your daughter and who attempted suicide a number of times.  She lost around four years to a hellish existence alternating between hospitals and self-imposed isolation in her bedroom.  But there's a silver lining, because she got professional help.  While meds and brain stimulation (magnetic, not electrical) got her stabilized, I think it was the therapy that helped turn things around for her, once she decided to take therapy seriously.  While she still struggles with volatile emotions and negative thinking, she's much healthier today, and we're not fearing for her life anymore.  The turnaround started slowly, with baby steps, but once she got some momentum going, she made substantial progress in a relatively short time.  She hasn't repaired some key relationships yet, but I'm holding onto hope that she'll repair them eventually, once she solidifies her identity and gets more established as an adult.

Though your daughter might lash out at you and blame you for all her troubles, I think she's very lucky to have you, as you're there for her and trying to get her professional help.  I'd advise not to take what she says too personally, hard as it may be.  It's BPD, it's not your fault.  My opinion is that her chances of turning things around increase substantially if she has your support.  But to give her support, you need to take exquisite care of yourself.  You're no good to her if you are a basket case.  If you need therapy, then I think you should try it.  If you need a break sometimes, I think you should take it.  For me, walking in nature and swimming really helped.  For others, it might be prayer, or talking to a friend, or listening to music, or coming here to process thoughts.

[Sancho]

Hi Gary Thomas and I am glad you are here. It sure is a real forum – a place here people understand what you are I going through. It sounds as though there may be a turning point soon – hopefully!

The Mayo Clinic has a very good reputation and the fact that it has picked up on the medication issue is very hopeful.

I have friends who have had ECT. One is a girl who has bipolar. A few years ago now she was in a very bad way, anting to die – she would phone me every morning about 7 am and just say over and over again ‘I want to die’.

My friend was hospitalised quite a few times during this period and her medication was adjusted. Nothing shifted. I was in despair, thinking that my dear friend would be like this for the rest of her days. Then she mentioned they were going to try ECT.

I was a bit hesitant because I had all the negatives in my head from 40 years ago. Anyway, I was so pleasantly surprised! She had a couple of sessions and her memory was not too good for a while after each one. But the effect was excellent – she was able to pick up her life and no talk of wanting to die.

A few years later she started to go backwards – this time they didn’t wait so long. She had another treatment or 2 and has been stable since – a few years back now.

I hope your DD will have a similar outcome – and I think Mayo C will be a great support for you and your family. Thinking of you and hoping this is a turning point for you all.

[Sancho]

Hi Gary Thomas and I am glad you are here. It sure is a real forum – a place here people understand what you are I going through. It sounds as though there may be a turning point soon – hopefully!

The Mayo Clinic has a very good reputation and the fact that it has picked up on the medication issue is very hopeful.

I have friends who have had ECT. One is a girl who has bipolar. A few years ago now she was in a very bad way, anting to die – she would phone me every morning about 7 am and just say over and over again ‘I want to die’.

My friend was hospitalised quite a few times during this period and her medication was adjusted. Nothing shifted. I was in despair, thinking that my dear friend would be like this for the rest of her days. Then she mentioned they were going to try ECT.

I was a bit hesitant because I had all the negatives in my head from 40 years ago. Anyway, I was so pleasantly surprised! She had a couple of sessions and her memory was not too good for a while after each one. But the effect was excellent – she was able to pick up her life and no talk of wanting to die.

A few years later she started to go backwards – this time they didn’t wait so long. She had another treatment or 2 and has been stable since – a few years back now.

I hope your DD will have a similar outcome – and I think Mayo C will be a great support for you and your family. Thinking of you and hoping this is a turning point for you all.