following through with divorce - part 2

[eightdays]

I was going to reply to my old thread but just wanted to share a new thread with brighter news..Well over a year ago I filed for divorce and posted here when I was afraid of what my ex was going to do.   Since then she had hired an extremely aggressive attorney and took me to court multiple times in attempts to extract huge concessions, and all of them failed.   It cost me about $15-20k in attorney fees to deal with that it probably shouldn't have.   Recently though, I learned that in the process she had run up a much bigger legal bill than I had and she had no choice but to drop her attorney and self represent.  After one final motion where she requested that I pay her legal bill and was denied, she had no choice but to settle.   She may have been scammed by her attorney, but I don't really know.   She's getting roughly what I originally offered, and spent most of it fighting with me.   Meanwhile I met someone new that does not have a PD, and I am having the best time of my life.

[PeteWitsend]

Good for you!  Sounds like a pretty good outcome, after all. 

I think the myth of the "aggressive attorney" being the same as a "competent" or "good" attorney needs to die.  Legal work is a grind, and a long struggle; the people that want to come out "guns blazing" are often not going to be good at it, after a hearing or two. 

I'd just be cautious about branding your new partner non-PD.  I was in another relationship post-divorce that started out wonderful, and was wonderful, for most of a year before I started to see the signs of PD again.  Fortunately I did not marry her, and it didn't last as long as my earlier marriage to a pwBPD, but longer than it should have. 

I'd also note that in my case, my new GF was very supportive of my issues with BPDxw and my commitment to parenting time with my daughter (about 8 months into our relationship I went back to court to get additional parenting time and limit some of the rights BPDxw was abusing), and would often comment how wrong it was that my XW behaved the way she did.  But over time, her attitude changed on this issue to lumping BPDxw and me together (rhetorically) as like an example of how I made a mistake, and now how our current relationship was "below her" and I needed to be better if I wanted to keep her happy... more trips, household help, more spending, nicer house, etc.  After a further miserable year and a half together, I finally got out.