support groups

[Jack-a-Roe]

I just left my wife of 6 years who has had traits of BPD and NPD and am beginning the process of divorce.  I still love her and am struggling with a lot of grief over this, but I fully know that the relationship was extremely unhealthy and damaging to me and that both of us exhausted all attempts at improving it. Does anyone know of any online support groups for people recovering from abusive relationships due to BPD or NPD. 

[Gemsforeyes]

Hi Jack -

I’m very sorry for what you’re going through and I’m also sorry to say, but the reality is that often we have to leave relationships with disordered partners while we still hold deep love for them.  You cannot love someone to wellness.

From what I know (which isn’t that much), the only online support group related to helping partners/former partners of people with BPD/NPD is this one.  The thing I also did that helped in my recovery was viewing a ton of You Tube videos by Dr Ramani.  She focuses largely on narcissistic behaviors, which applied to many of my ex’s traits, so her information was very helpful for me.  Each of the videos are pretty short, so I found them emotionally manageable during a very difficult period.

Journaling and “Progressive Muscle Relaxation” were also very helpful; and anything else to reduce anxiety.  I think it’s also important to remind yourself of the harm you are trying to keep yourself away from… I have a lifetime tendency to forgive and forget over and over and over… and I kept repeating to myself “I have to remember I feel like this.”  I’d say it out loud constantly every time he’d reach out or I felt a draw to respond.

I read your post about your wife’s physical abuse from August 2025.  And that is exactly what it was.  The circumstances do not matter.  Had you simply put up a hand to try and stop her and she called 911, it likely would have been you (the man) who was arrested.  And I am a very “liberal” woman saying this to you.  You have to protect yourself.

Please take care of your heart.  And speak here as often as you want or need someone to listen.

Warmly,
Gems