I want to stay but he isnt helping himself

[Luckyduckie55]

Hi, so my husband was supposed to be diagnosed with bpd but some how the doctor didnt do it. My threapist actually alerted both of us to his diagnosis. I got him into intensive care he stopped yelling at me, he was discharged and he still treats me like im a villain. Aleays says I never listen or do what he asks, wont talk kindly to me when he us mad. Probably the worst is his memory is above my own and he fabricated things in his favor. He does more stuff but thats just what I thought of right now.
I want to stay with him but I also don't want to think im crazy, none of his family believes he has bpd because he was normal before me. Am I the problem?
 

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Pook075]

Hello and welcome to the family! 

Let's start with your question- you are not the problem.  The problem is mental illness and BPD is generally the worst for people that are the closest to the person with mental illness.  His family wouldn't see that and they might not understand it either.  There's no use arguing with them over it.

How old are you and your husband?

For the fabricated memories, he's telling "his truth" and it's not necessarily how anyone else would see it.  There's no use arguing over that either because that's the crux of the mental illness.  He always feels like a victim and arguing only makes things worse since he feels rejected.

Let me ask; what are you doing for your mental health?  Is there a friend, neighbor, or family member you regularly talk to?  Accepting his abusive behavior is not okay, and you need to take some space when things start to get out of hand.