One common pattern of people with Borderline PD traits (pwBPD) is their inconsistency. Even if they agree to do - or not do - something, they can easily forget or renege on what they've previously agreed to do.
In some ways they live in the moment yet also, like elephant's have phenomenal memories, they can dredge up the past events and triggers over and over. Yes, it doesn't make common sense overall, but that is what personality disorders describe, abnormal or dysfunctional thinking and self-oriented perceptions.
And trying to use logic (JADE - Justify, Argue, Defend, Explain) often fails with a person immersed in their own perceptions and feelings rather than facts.
PwBPD typically resist or ignore Boundaries. That is why we encourage of members to change perspective. Rather than trying to force the other to do or not do something, it is better that our own boundaries decide how best
we can
respond to poor or undesired behavior.
A very simplistic pattern is, "If you do or don't do ___ then I will do or not do ___." Does that make sense? For example, if the other ignores one of your previously spoken boundaries such as No ranting or raging, you can show your response, in this example, by exiting and returning after he/she has calmed down and reset. Do you see that you don't need to mirror the other's actions or get into the old failed arguments?
You can browse our many topics on
Tools and Skills Workshops board which include Boundaries, strategies, responses, communication techniques and more.
Of course, these approaches do not "fix" anybody but they are ways to better manage or address the relationship difficulties.
