First Steps to Get My Spouse into Treatment, or Anything to Help Us

[PullMyHairOut?]

My wife (stay at home mom) and I have been together for 23 years, and married for 15 year.  We have 2 kids (13 and 11 years old).
My wife has exhibited BPD traits for most of our relationship.  She has had pharma drug abuse/addiction issues in the first half of our togetherness (vicodin and suboxone).  She is no longer taking pharms (rehab), but now drinks regularly in the garage by herself.  She doesn't really have any friends (her last BFF died from a drug overdose ) and not a good relationship with her family - they have trouble being with her because of her BPD issues).
I was unfaithful to my wife with a co-worker in mid 2015 into 2017 (about 1.5 years).  My wife suspected the affair, but I lied and never admitted it.  That continued until fall 2023, when she started to have serious BPD/paranoia blowups every few days.  Yelling, screaming, spitting in my face, sometimes physically pushing or hitting me, sometimes destroying items around the house.  This caused me to leave the house in Nov. 2023, we lived separately for 6 months, and she filed for divorce.  During the separation, I admitted my affair to her, and fortunately (for me) we reconciled in April 2024. 
During our separation, I went to a lot of counseling, and my therapist informed me that my wife likely has BPD based on the symptoms I described.   The symptoms are:  at least since late 2023, she thinks I am stalking her, tracking her phone, controlling her car, the television, listening in on her phone calls, changing settings on her phone.  Alot of off-the-wall paranoid thoughts.  She splits, then verbally and physically lashes out at me, accusing me of doing those things, so that I know where she is at all of the time, so I can continue my affair(s).  The blowups are unprovoked by me (she gets triggered by all sorts of odd things). 
My wife is undiagnosed.  She refuses to seek therapy or treatment of any kind.  She says I made her this way, and that I'm the one who needs treatment.
I would appreciate any help or guidance on how to finally get my wife into treatment (for her, for us, for our kids).  Especially since she doesn't trust me because of my past infidelity, and no relationship/reliance on her family or friends.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders