New here and looking for support

[fiveringleader]

Hi y'all. I'm a mom of 5 (23,20,25,14,14) and my middle daughter has MDD, GAD, OCD, and emerging BPD traits. In September, at 14, she made a very serious suicide attempt (which seemed out of the blue to us at the time) that landed her in the ICU, followed by adolescent inpatient. Since then, she has done a PHP program, 13 weeks in Skyland Trail, Skyland Trail's PHP program, and various therapy. She's on several medications, none of which seem to be helping a whole lot.
I was very hesitant to accept the BPD diagnosis because it seems so scary. My father was diagnosed decades ago with BPD (untreated) and it presents very differently in him — although after lots of research, I think his is more likely a NPD. Anyway, after a ton of reading, I realize that my kiddo does have several traits of BPD, they just don't show up as violent rages or abusive behavior. She loathes herself, has been self-harming (without our knowledge) for several years, becomes very attached and dependent on specific people. She has dissociative episodes and trouble with chronological memory — often combining conversations over several years into one conversation that never actually happened. She's also worried that people are watching her and says she has voices in her head that tell her to do things although she's very clear that these are not actual voices. She's not hearing things in other words.
She lives with constant suicidal ideation and self-harm and often says she doesn't even want to get better. She says she doesn't want to stop self-harming because in addition to providing a release it also feels like the punishment she deserves for being a "bad person."
My kiddo has identical twin sisters just 16 months younger and she has a major problem with one of them that we can't get to the bottom of... she's obsessed with hating her and then promptly tries to be best friends. Three healthy teenage girls is a lot to deal with but I've got one with serious mental health issues and two others who at the very least are dealing with longterm trauma. Though my husband and I had no idea that our kiddo was struggling until September, her sisters have known for years. They didn't tell us because our kiddo had them convinced that we would make everything worse. Not to worry, EVERYONE is in therapy now.
I'm just here for support and any information that other parents have about things that have helped move the needle for their kids. 

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders