He moved out this morning - cold and pragmatic

[Alz123]

My undiagnosed BPD husband of only 2.5 years moved out this morning after I initiated a separation about a month ago.

I have been hurt before in relationships and I truly trusted this man with everything. I was very careful at the start, constantly looking for signs of emotional availability and the ability to repair. He showed me he had this and could repair after we had conflict. Of course I now realise this was the idealisation phase.

Anyway, I'm utterly heartbroken. He left at 5am this morning for work without a goodbye. Yesterday I asked 'what do you want to do about contact between us?' His reply, 'I'm going to be really busy over the next few days but you can message if you want.' ouch!! I just said 'I'll leave you to it then.'

I know logically that I need to disconnect from this man who I thought I could have a healthy marriage with but emotionally I feel there is still a part of me holding on. I want him to care. I want him to hurt. I want him to wake the f@*k up and do the work on himself that he needs to do. I know the chances of that are slim though.

Please share some words of wisdom, guidance, support, comfort. Anything to get me through this. I have great friends but they won't fully understand being in a relationship with BPD.