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Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits. Practicing lawyer, Senior Family Mediator, and former Licensed Clinical Social Worker with twelve years’ experience and an expert on navigating the Family Court process.
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Author Topic: Coparenting absolutely impossible. Xw getting worse  (Read 388 times)
bus boy
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 908


« on: February 17, 2017, 09:07:31 PM »

In my posts about the difficulty in coparenting with Xw, she is actually getting worse, venomous. My very reasonable requests were always met with no but now she is on a whole new level of venom. My access started at 6pm this evening, I missed an access visit due to the flu and s10 had no school today so I asked if I could pick s10 up early, I work until 3pm. Xw was rude in her reply, nothing new, I get nervous when she is nice. She denied my request but gave the time I requested to her BF who lives with Xw so he sees s10 more than I do. I am fine with s10 being with Xw's BF but when I am denied the time and it's given to him, that's just wrong. My countless offers to be there, be a father, help with the daily needs of raising a child are always met with a no, than she says I won't help with the needs of s10, gets her L to send emails of how willing she is to coparent but never does she coparent than she twists it all around and says her BF is always so kind to offer to help with s10 and has him playing the father roll. He sat through our family court trial, on the stand I looked right at him and said I'm not a weekend father I'm a 24/7 father always there for my son, BF sat through all the lies, knew Xw lied under oath but he is still playing a roll he has no business playing unless I was a waste of good oxygen bum who didn't work or support his child than I would deserve to be treated as such. Major boundary issue going on here.
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bus boy
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 908


« Reply #1 on: February 18, 2017, 08:54:54 AM »

I always told s10 I am always here for you, I don't care if you call me at 3:00am I'll be there for you. Close to midnight on Thursday I got a text from s10, I was surprised to say the least. When I picked him up Friday evening I said I loved your text, I'm surprised you were up so late, s10 said I couldn't sleep and you always told me no matter what time I call or text, you would always answer so I figured I would see if it was true. I told s10 you can always be there.
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bus boy
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 908


« Reply #2 on: February 19, 2017, 08:37:46 PM »

before we were married Xw said she would never allow our children to have any kind of r/s with my family, in fact she said we would never have children until I made her a promises that if we ever had children they would never be around my family. S10 has been out of my families life for 7 out of his 10 years and this time back isn't getting any easier. We are taking it slow, letting him come around, he started to but he is backing off again. S10 knows his mother doesn't like my family and he said she says nothing to him for going to my families when he is with me but it is border line child cruelty to take him to my dads or sisters. Since my sister and nephew got assaulted by s10's mother, s10 had been very standoffish to my family. S10 told me his mother said my oldest nephew was following her around the store taking a video of her but that's not true. Last night we had a bday party at my sisters, s10 wouldn't talk to anyone, kept his head down, wouldn't take his jacket off wouldn't participate with my family at all. I started to ask what was wrong and he started crying, I held him, we talked and I said we will eat and leave. Today I tried to talk to him, I approached some of it wrong but it boiles down to he will not open up to me, when I asked him a certain question I thought he was going to have an anxiety attack, he started breathing fast and heavy, his nostrils started flaring in and out and he started to cry but he would not talk to me. Today at my dads s10 wouldn't talk, wouldn't take his jacket off sat on the side of his chair at the kitchen table, wouldn't look at my dad, hardly ate a bite of his supper. When I say lets go, he gets instant relief. It is tearing me apart inside, what is s10 going through? This is not natural, he wants nothing to do with us, only me. I was sick, empty and heartbroken over this all day. Xw will not stop no matter the cost to s10, until he is out of my families life. Xw twisted the facts of the assault back on my family. She is really getting worse.
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Turkish
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Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Other
Relationship status: "Divorced"/abandoned by SO in Feb 2013; Mother with BPD, PTSD, Depression and Anxiety: RIP in 2021.
Posts: 12105


Dad to my wolf pack


« Reply #3 on: February 19, 2017, 10:58:19 PM »

Your son sounds like he is under a tremendous amount of emotional pressure, poor guy. The ray of hope, however,  is that he sounds strongly bonded to you,  his Dad. It might be too much to expect him to bond with your family at this point.  That's OK.  Can you tell him is ok,  age appropriately?

What's going on with the charges against his mother?
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    “For the strength of the Pack is the Wolf, and the strength of the Wolf is the Pack.” ― Rudyard Kipling
bus boy
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 908


« Reply #4 on: February 20, 2017, 06:58:28 AM »

I can tell him that. Inside I don't think s10 is ever going to have that bond with my family. It's been over a year now since he was back in our lives, he is getting much closer to me, he started getting closer to my family but has backed right right off, especially since the assault.

As far as the charges go we are just waiting for trial. The RCMP have footage of the assault from the grocery store and footage from the harassment at the rink on the evening of the same day the assault took place.
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