filing divorce

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Hi, So I unable to handle his verbal abuse and filed divorce
Don't know if he can take care of kid who is 6 years old very happy kid.
He doesn't want to cooperate with me by talking about childcare plan and support
everything needs to go to lawyer to spend more money, My GOD

[Nice10]

Hi, So I unable to handle his verbal abuse and filed divorce
Don't know if he can take care of kid who is 6 years old very happy kid.
He doesn't want to cooperate with me by talking about childcare plan and support
everything needs to go to lawyer to spend more money, My GOD

[Sluggo]

You have come to the right place.  I have been where you are also with the verbal abuse.  I am so sorry you have been going through all of this.  It is the verbal bruises that others don't see and we don't realize how much they damage us. 

How long have you been married?  Tell us a little about about your story so we can get to know you better.  when did you first recognize the abuse?  Was there a final straw? 

[Nice10]

Thank you for your support.
His verbal abuse is never stop. In the beginning I thought he had a bad day
Then last past few months, he acted just really bad
I assum he may also clinical depression
After I have done some research and reading, I realized
Someone who wants to continues staying this relationship needs
A strong and big heart
And need very skills... .

[ForeverDad]

Abuse is never acceptable.  I would guess that goes for abusive speech and related behaviors as well.

Prepping yourself, educating yourself, building boundaries and other actions are to build a good foundation for your part of the relationship.  Maybe more carefully and more smartly communicating with your spouse will work.  But it can just as easily fail.  Why?  Because the outcome of your good and now informed efforts doesn't depend on you... .it depends upon your spouse and his/her reactions and overreactions.

Does that make sense?  No matter how hard you try and how experienced you become in dealing with your spouse, the outcome depends on whether the other wants to (consistently and positively) work with you.  If the obstruction, opposition, uncooperative stance, demeaning patterns, whatever continues, then it is clear your efforts will not succeed.  At some point, if things don't turn around — you've filed for divorce so that issue is moot now — you'll have to cut your losses and focus solely on yourself and your children.  It doesn't matter whether he will discuss a childcare plan or not, in that case proceed to court, document the problems, present your problem-solver solutions to the ongoing problems and ask the court to rule.  Odds are you won't get everything you ask for but almost surely you'll get a better (or less unfair) outcome from the court than trying to make a deal with your stbEx.