Ever feel like Charlie Brown trusting Lucy not to pull the football away?

[bananas2]

Anyone ever feel like your BPD SO is Lucy from "Peanuts" always trying to convince you to kick the football bc they swear that this time they won't pull the ball away at the last minute and send you flying onto your back?
I feel so manipulated every time my BPDh gains a little of my trust back then sabotages it. I want to be able to trust him & he says he wants to gain my trust back. Now I'm wondering if he just wants to gain my trust back so he can hurt me again? Is it his way of controlling me?
We had a good weekend together talking about & agreeing to specific things we both need to do in order to heal our r/s. He convinced me he would do what was agreed upon. I started feeling a little hope. Then last night, less than 24 hrs after we talked about this, he went back on his agreement.

I feel like such an absolute fool for thinking he would keep his word. And I do it every damn time.

I hate being so hopeful and trusting like Charlie Brown. Sometimes I wish I could just be Snoopy instead.

[Mutt]

Hi bananas2,

I can see how that would cast doubts. What did he got back on?

[bananas2]

Mutt -

He went back on his promise to read an article about us healing from his infidelity & then get back to me with his thoughts, apologies, etc. He had plenty of time to read it. Napped most of the day & even complained of being bored, so it wasn't like he was too busy to read it & talk to me about it.

[Mutt]

Hi bananas2,

That's tough, he's telegraphing that he doesn't care. Are you working with a T to repair the r/s?

[bananas2]

We were in marriage counseling, but we put it on hold for a while in order for us to see individual therapists, mostly so he could work on his BPD behaviors through DBT.
The plan now is to go back to MC to talk about only the issue of us healing from his infidelity. Last time there were just too many issues coming up at once, so we have decided to simplify by taking only one issue at a time, starting with this one, since his perceived lack of remorse is the issue currently causing the most distress in our r/s.

[AustenJ]

bananas2i-

I feel for you so much... .in my experience it is so hard to keep the focus on one specific behavior when is comes to a pwBPD... .the ping pong balls bounce around in their heads on a daily, hourly basis... .they have so many coping mechanisms they use concurrently... .it's like the entire house is burning, but we are only going to try to put the fire out in the living room as the rest of the the house burns around us... .

It is such a tough disorder to deal with in an issue by issue way... .I admire your courage and strength... .

We would discuss my exBPDgf's behavior of infidelity, she would actually read articles, and she would work on her sexual impulsivity... .until she began coping by using alcohol which would lower her inhibitions which would lead to reckless sex... .

Or she would cut when she was out with a group of friends, and some of the guys felt bad for her and would be nice to her and she would sleep with them... .because they cared... .she would always say she was wrong to do that, but she would never apologize... .because pwBPD their actions always speak louder than their words... .her behaviors just became overwhelming and in my case, I saw she never wanted to change... .

I wish you well, because you have a long, tough journey in front of you. You are going about it in the right way with individual counseling... .I hope you find what you're looking for,bananas2!

[Katydid_]

Anyone ever feel like your BPD SO is Lucy from "Peanuts" always trying to convince you to kick the football bc they swear that this time they won't pull the ball away at the last minute and send you flying onto your back?
I feel so manipulated every time my BPDh gains a little of my trust back then sabotages it.

Yep. I do feel that way! Thanks for putting it into those words. I don't have any specific advice, but you're not alone in that feeling. Often I'd rather just stop trusting all together. But, for better or for worse, I'm a Charlie Brown type. I know it brings me a lot of pain sometimes, but it also makes me pretty good with dogs. And kids, and nervous people. It can be a strength.

I wish you the very best in terms of repairing things.

[Shedd]

I'm glad I read this post.  I'm in the same situation and that is a wonderful comparison.  Yes, I feel like Charlie Brown. Luckily I am at the beginning stages of her trying to hurt me again. I don't think I'm going to give her that opportunity. I'm just going to know that she's going to break our "friendship" again.  At least when "Lucy" takes it away I can see it coming so I don't attempt to kick it.