Odd request before trial...

[bravhart1]

So we have an actual trial coming up this month, BPDm has requested, months ago, because she objects to court ordered therapy, and supervised visits.

Her attorney has sent over a request for the trial of every photo and video that has been taken of SD over the last year.

What in the Sam hell do we make of this? And how in the world does this pertain to her getting therapy (mom, not SD). 

Color me stumped over here.

[takingandsending]

Do you have to honor the request? Anything in your parent plan or any court order that states it? If it is not pertinent to your upcoming trial, you could offer to let her go through photos with you during next supervised visit, and let her select ones that she may want.

I guess what I am saying is she may feel she is missing out on her daughter's life, and that is a feeling worth validating.

[Panda39]

A few things came to mind... .but who knows... .does your attorney have any ideas... .

1) She misses her daughter and wants to see what she's been doing since she last saw her.

2) She's going to give up the fight and wants pictures/video of her daughter.

3) She's looking for abuse in the images... .evidence that validate mom's perceptions.


I go with number 3 (Based on my own experience, I am a pessimist when it comes to BPDmoms  )  with a sprinkling of number 1 but who knows.

I would also question the relevancy to her case but is there really any reason not to share them with her? How will mom react to seeing daughter doing well under your care?  Will she paint SD black for her loyalty to her dad?  Who knows    I guess all you can do is turn them over to the opposing attorney, otherwise expect a subpoena for them.

Panda39

[Sunfl0wer]

When we shared pics and vid, it enraged mom with BPD.  She felt threatened by her D looking happy, having experiences that she was not a part of, it flipped her out.  She amped up the alienation. (Even though D was eith us full time, she did this via phone) She coddled D and claimed, "oh, look at you being such a brave girl putting on a brave face for mama."  She just twisted it, made it about her and about her loss of a mom vs a kid living her life.  She also ramped up showing us "better" pic of her looking happy, made it a competition of sorts.

[GaGrl]

If it's not relevant to he case, why provide them?

[bravhart1]

My guess is this is just yet another attempt at invading our privacy. We don't need to see pictures of SD when she saw her mom, why would she? I assume she is looking for validation that we abuse or that SD is unhappy. Or as said above, trying to look for evidence to condem SD with being happy in our care ( the betrayal of it would be the drama she's looking for)

So a little background, BPD has not seen SD supervised or otherwise in over a year. She "doesn't need to be supervised" so she won't go. She would rather not see her daughter for the last 15 months,and wait for a trial than to attend therapy and do supervised visits. She could have seen her daughter this whole time, minus the first two months she was to attend therapy prior to visits.

I think mom thinks this trial is going to be her turn at presenting family members to testify that she is a great mom and dad is not good. She doesn't take into account that the judge doesn't care what her family members have to say, we have five Ph.D. Psychologists that say mom is stuck in severe BPD and every teacher who's ever dealt with her saying she's unbalanced. Three custody evaluations that say she needs treatment before seeing her daughter supervised and then upon appropriate long term behaviour, some day visits.

And the judge himself, knows she has voluntarily gone 15+ months without contact because she simply won't agree to this diagnosis. (Which was concluded by three different evaluations)

I doubt this is going to go well for her. She thinks this is going to be a dad bashing session, and then in the end going to ask for us to pay for it.

In the mean time we are raising a little girl who has been through a lot, including five years of therapy, she's 8. So we aren't really looking for any way to appease mom anymore. We could only save one of them, we chose the child.

But the pictures? I'm out of ideas, the judge can't possibly think they have any bearing on this trial. To what end? We haven't responded to her attorneys request but... .sounds wonky to me.i would think her attorney would help her reel it in, but it seems he's in it for the $$

[david]

If your attorney says you don't have to then I would not hand anything over.

[GaGrl]

I agree with he description "won't."

Just play out the scenario as is.

[ForeverDad]

A request is just that, a request.  If it were a subpoena then technically it is a requirement of the court's process.  However, we all know how little our ex-spouses cooperate with subpoenas.  My Ex's lawyer filed for data as though it was a divorce, even though we had finalized the divorce a couple years before.  I sent over 600 pages.  My lawyer got peeved that her lawyer wasn't responding and so he wrote up our own subpoena but more focused on the custody issues at hand.  You know how much I got back... .nothing.  And there were no consequences for her failure to comply, neither lawyer pursued it in the hearings.

Sometimes we are 'too' cooperative when dealing with the legal and emotional issues, yet that is something we would never get from the Ex.  Lawyer can reply that this has nothing to do with the case, or reply that this can be discussed as irrelevant with the judge.  Whatever happens, I would not copy every single photo, at most a limited assortment of photos and even then after court is resolved unless the court orders otherwise.  For example, limited can be focused on school activities, public scenarios, etc.  The home and family photos could be argued as compromising your home's privacy if shared.