Update on yesterday's argument

[Warrior33]

After fighting all day and not speaking to each other my pwPBD and I went out for dinner and watched tv awkwardly until I finally said let's talk about this. She continued to say she didn't have anything else to say and that she wants to be done. I told her "I know you are mad and I understand why. I would feel the same way if I were you. But I can't stay away from my parents because they make you mad. You don't have to go but I need to go visit them." She said she still wanted to break up. I felt my blood boiling and I was about to start yelling so I told her "I'm leaving now so I don't say anything I will regret and we can talk later." When I walked out she screamed hurtful things at me and locked me out of the house. I went to my car and waited in there. Her mom came and picked her up. They went driving and talking so I decided to go eat and have a beer (she doesn't like when I drink) in the middle of me eating she her and her mom pulled up and she came in and yelled at me and got mad about me drinking a beer and asked for the keys. I gave them to her and got in the car with her mom while she took my car home. Her mom and I drove around talking until she finally took me home. I didn't know what to do, if I should sleep in the bed with her or go to the couch. I thought back to all the books and websites and what they would say I should do and decided to go to the bed. I laid down and hugged her and she took a deep breath. She then said sorry and that she was okay if I went to visit my parents.
It was rough and took all day but I really think the argument went well and ended well. Better than our usual screaming match and going to bed with me saying sorry all the time. What do you guys think?

[formflier]

Your heart and head are in the right place on this!     

"I'm leaving now so I don't say anything I will regret and we can talk later." 

You made it about you... very good!  Plus, you are making a point about self control... .that each of us are responsible for our own self control.

But I can't stay away from my parents because they make you mad. You don't have to go but I need to go visit them." 

You have the gist of it... .however... .we need to work on your tactics.  It is likely that she heard validation on some of the ideas that she has that you DO NOT want to validate.

Don't validate the invalid.

1.  Your parents don't "make" her feel anything.


I think you made a good move going back to bed... .Don't bring this up again.  If she brings it up again... .try to handle it with better tactics.  Your strategy is sound.

FF