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Lot0kids
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Child
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« on: March 14, 2017, 03:01:53 PM »

Is there anyone else out there that has a child with intellectual and learning disabilities as well as BPD? 

Our daughter is 17 and her overall IQ in around 76.  Not quite low enough to be considered intellectually disabled (used to be mental retarded) but not high enough for independence dent functioning.  We will be seeking guardianship at 18.

These are the main issues we are dealing with... .

- Constantly worries about health issues (am I going to die?  Is this normal?)
- Manipulate manipulate manipulate
- Worries about natural disaster to an unhealthy level
- Worries about what others think of her but does the same behaviors she finds annoying in others (i.e. Texting or calling too often, following around, putting nose in conversation that isn't theirs) but doesn't see in herself. 
- If you point out unacceptable behavior she seems to understand it is wrong and can tell you why but that doesn't deter behavior
- Overspending and stealing
- Lying
- Will get mad at a friend and treat them bad or decide she doesn't want to be there friend anymore only shortly later to regret it
- Eats to excess then complains her stomach hurts, repeatedly
- Doesn't seem to have accurate idea of her size.  Will make comments about being the same size as friends but in reality they are at least 50 pounds lighter than she is.
- Worries about bad things or people to the point of paranoia.
- Does not allow for personal space, especially when sad or needy
- Seems to idolize and have unrealistic appreciation for the friends that are the most unhealthy (drinking, smoking, doing drugs)
- Once anger sets in has trouble letting it go.  Gets upset and mad easily.
- Doesn't want to do anything the requires effort.  Even if you asked her to look up how much an apartment cost (to help her look at options of living independently) she would throw a fit.
- Can do chores around the house but they are not done well and if you point out the flaws it makes her mad.  Next time she does the chore she does it the same way she did it the first time. (I.e. Washing dishes, doesn't get them clean and leaves soap on them.  Loads dishwasher with dishes stacked in a way they can't get clean, puts away dirty dishes.  Puts weeds in the recycle.)
- Likes things tidy but not necessarily clean (it is clean to her though)
- Will say I wish I were dead.  I'm going to hurt myself.  I'm going to leave (really she is not a threat to herself or of running away because she is to scared but is trying to manipulate)
- Has the need to share everything with everyone one (i.e. The puppy went outside for the first time.  As soon as another person comes into the house she shares this information with them.  She makes sure to share it with everyone in the house and seeks out additional people to share it with)
- Will constantly seek approval (i.e. How do I look, do you like this). If you don't give her the response she is looking for will get upset
- Can be yelling and raging at me for half an hour someone will walk in and she will stop turn to them and sugary say, hi dad, sister etc, then turn back and keep yelling or just try and engage them and ignore me.  This only happens with immediate family.  If she is raging and notices someone not of the family she will stop yelling immediately.  Even if I am for example just giving her instructions on weeding and she will not pay attention ore come closer to look at something because she doesn't want to do it and then starts to complain.  I will say it firmer and if she notices someone outside she will stop and quietly say mom there are people.  I tell her so I am not doing anything wrong.  She will say shhh.
- Wants to talk non stop, quiet is not her friend
- Does not like to be alone or isolated.  Being in her room is punishment.  Wants to be around people.
- Trouble focusing.  You can be watching something and she wants to talk through it about random things.  Will change topics out of nowhere.
- Is very content to not move and sit around all day.
- Trouble going to sleep at night.
- Take offense when none is intended
- Too rough with animals and has to be reminded to be soft or careful. 
- She likes to tell us that we like to fight with her because it makes us happy.  We don't fight with her we just stick to consequences for her actions and don't budge.  Or don't let her manipulate us.  One such instance this wasn't working and she told me even dad said you like to ... .  I said really that's a lie ceaira.  She said no I said ok let's call dad.  As soon as I started making the call she started back peddling.
- Admits she is misbehaving to make us mad, same with yelling in our faces and saying hurtful things.  The next moment wants to hug us and talk about happy things
- Can't seem to understand things like.  I don't agree with homosexuality but I still love any friends that are homosexual.  That doesn't mean I support their cause. 
- If we tell her there will be consequences for her behavior she wants to know immediately what those all.  Sometimes we don't know yet and we tell her that.  It puts her into a tailspin of unknown.
- Will take more of a medication than necessary or take random medication in hopes it will help her with whatever problem.  Typically seeks out nighttime medications to help her sleep better.  Or if she is sick wanting to take medicine too often.
- I will only behave if you do this and or that. 
- When we tried to stay in the same room to let her calm down or to give her physical attention at those times it back fired on us and she seemed to act out more to get that treatment.

Thanks!
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Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders
wendydarling
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Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Child
Relationship status: Mother
Posts: 2701



« Reply #1 on: March 14, 2017, 04:01:22 PM »

Hello Lot0kids and welcome to bpdfamily parents forum 

I'm sorry to hear what you are dealing with your daughter and glad you found us, we are here to help and walk forward with you.

That is a long list of issues you are dealing with, BPD is often the case of co-morbid. 

Sharing with us the latest diagnosis and treatment plan / care is your daughter receiving is a good place to begin with.

WDx 
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Be kind, always and all ways ~ my BPD daughter
heartandwhole
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 3592



« Reply #2 on: March 17, 2017, 10:43:59 AM »

Hi Lot0kids,

Welcome

I'd like to join wendydarling and welcome you to the community. You are certainly dealing with a lot, and I'm glad you reached out for support. That is so important.

This site has tons of resources and tools that can help, and members who know what it is like to deal with loved ones with BPD.

Do you, yourself, have a good support system around you, Lot0kids? It's so important when caring for someone whose needs are very often front and center.

Keep posting and let us know how we can support you.  Smiling (click to insert in post)

heartandwhole
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