A terrible night

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

I've been through conflict before, before realising that I do love him and trying to see the long haul rather than each drama as it occurs. i recently caught him on gay meet up sites, and due to my being ill we haven't really discussed it and he has never really explained. He's given a few conflicting stories. I brought it up and he stormed off and started acting up, then when he came back he told me he had been hit by a car and punched a guy (he clearly hadn't). I got in the car with him as I could tell he didn't really want to leave. He often 'flights' and admits he really doesn't want to but doesn't know how to stop. This time however, he refused to speak to me and drove really dangerously. I stayed fairly calm, told him I was feeling sick and he began swerving and accelerating more on purpose. After 20miles he 360'd and turned round for home. I tried to be sick out of the window but because he was going 60 it mostly went on the car door and me. I was begging him to stop and was sick another 4 or 5 times before he did pull over and then he seemed more concerned about the car. He dropped me at home and drove off to get the car cleaned, asking if I wanted food(he always tries to placate me with food to make up for things) I was sick again at home in the bathroom so was actually relieved when he came back and looked after me but he still said it was my fault for being in the car. I picked a fight with him a few hours later when I'll be honest I wanted him to come to bed but was also confused and afraid. I tried to talk to him but he started saying he was going to smash my things if I didn't give him his phone back (which I didn't have at that point) I then saw it and picked it up as collateral. I put it in one of his bags which I carefully moved outside and said I didn't want him to leave but I had no choice due to his demeanour. He refused to leave without his phone despite me telling him it was in his bag outside. Eventually he went to check and I managed to push him out of the door and shut it. He started trying to break the door down and the lock almost came off. I phoned his mother hoping they could phone him to stop him and a few minutes later he put a brick through my window in the door. This is the worst thing that's ever happened in our relationship. But sadly, most of all I am sad because I still love him. His (very wealthy)parents are going to pay for all the damage and asked me not to call police (I don't think I would have anyway). He is very spoilt and has tantrums to get his own way. I know I can't logically continue the relationship but just when I thought I was getting stronger and maintaining my my sense of self, I can't help but just want him back, even right now. I know BPD doesn't justify violence.

[Amber2016]

I've been through conflict before, before realising that I do love him and trying to see the long haul rather than each drama as it occurs. i recently caught him on gay meet up sites, and due to my being ill we haven't really discussed it and he has never really explained. He's given a few conflicting stories. I brought it up and he stormed off and started acting up, then when he came back he told me he had been hit by a car and punched a guy (he clearly hadn't). I got in the car with him as I could tell he didn't really want to leave. He often 'flights' and admits he really doesn't want to but doesn't know how to stop. This time however, he refused to speak to me and drove really dangerously. I stayed fairly calm, told him I was feeling sick and he began swerving and accelerating more on purpose. After 20miles he 360'd and turned round for home. I tried to be sick out of the window but because he was going 60 it mostly went on the car door and me. I was begging him to stop and was sick another 4 or 5 times before he did pull over and then he seemed more concerned about the car. He dropped me at home and drove off to get the car cleaned, asking if I wanted food(he always tries to placate me with food to make up for things) I was sick again at home in the bathroom so was actually relieved when he came back and looked after me but he still said it was my fault for being in the car. I picked a fight with him a few hours later when I'll be honest I wanted him to come to bed but was also confused and afraid. I tried to talk to him but he started saying he was going to smash my things if I didn't give him his phone back (which I didn't have at that point) I then saw it and picked it up as collateral. I put it in one of his bags which I carefully moved outside and said I didn't want him to leave but I had no choice due to his demeanour. He refused to leave without his phone despite me telling him it was in his bag outside. Eventually he went to check and I managed to push him out of the door and shut it. He started trying to break the door down and the lock almost came off. I phoned his mother hoping they could phone him to stop him and a few minutes later he put a brick through my window in the door. This is the worst thing that's ever happened in our relationship. But sadly, most of all I am sad because I still love him. His (very wealthy)parents are going to pay for all the damage and asked me not to call police (I don't think I would have anyway). He is very spoilt and has tantrums to get his own way. I know I can't logically continue the relationship but just when I thought I was getting stronger and maintaining my my sense of self, I can't help but just want him back, even right now. I know BPD doesn't justify violence.

[PeteWitsend]

I think you should have called the police in order to establish a record.

Depending on your jurisdiction, you could agree not to press charges, or withdraw the complaint when his parents agree to pay for damages.

I wouldn't rely on them to curb his behavior or protect you from him; you have to assume that when push comes to shove, or in a he said/she said situation, they will side with him against you.  For that reason, it's important to have a neutral third party there (i.e. law enforcement).

sounds like you're in a rough situation; No easy answers, but his awful and extreme behavior may help you reach a resolution sooner than later.

[formflier]

  He is very spoilt and has tantrums to get his own way.

And... .spoiling him further will lead to... .? 

If he doesn't get his way... .it will lead to?

I'm glad you see the pattern.  Changing your part in the pattern is hard... .but it can be done.  You won't know until you try... .to see how much better things can go in your r/s.

I hope by now you have a clear picture of how things will go if you stay on the same path.

FF