My own emotions

[Parents! Get help here!]

My son is an adult, but recently diagnosed as a result of a hospitalization. We're doing our best to help... .but I think I'm overwhelmed with fear and grief. I need help with regaining my life while supporting him in doing the same.

[Oxsana]

My son is an adult, but recently diagnosed as a result of a hospitalization. We're doing our best to help... .but I think I'm overwhelmed with fear and grief. I need help with regaining my life while supporting him in doing the same.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Lollypop]

Hi there Oxsana

Welcome to the forum.  My heart goes out to you as it's just devastating when the diagnosis is made. I know exactly how you feel, fearful and overwhelmed is perfectly described.

My BPDs26 was diagnosed at 24. It came as a relief to him and answered a lot of my questions. Them came the hard realisation that whatever happened he very much needed us and a lot of support. The right kind of support. We'd had a rollercoaster of a relationship and had given up on him almost. The diagnosis brought change in a crisis. I'm very happy it did.

I've been on the forum ever since and our lives are in a very different place now. I encourage you to read as much as you can about BPD if you haven't already. Take a look at this page, top right hand side and you'll find the information you need.

I found that the more I understood about BPD and the reason my BPDs behaves the way he does, the less I reacted. This had a real positive difference in how we interacted with each other. There's supplementary reading but this is the right place to start.  With better communication and validation skills my BPDs started to respond positively to us and he's now working, has a girlfriend, planning and dealing with his finances. A vast improvement in the last 12 months. There's hope where there was none before.

I became the parent he needed, not the one I thought I should be.  I changed myself so I could have a better and healthy relationship that he so very much needed.

I grieved for the son I felt I'd lost. I understand that his life won't be the one I'd hoped for but, regardless it's his life, and he must find a way forwards himself while we walk beside him. I've learnt so much here and I can tell you from my heart: youve come to the right place,

Is your son still in hospital and is he getting any therapy?
Does he live with you?

I look forward to reading your posts.

I'm sending you a hug, because you definitely need it. You're not on your own.

LP

[Oxsana]

Thanks so much, LP! Just what I needed!
My son is out of hospital... .home with us for now as he makes financial recovery.
I will happily learn all I can... .