Thank you all for your replies and support! I am VERY clear that I will not be responding to my exBPDbf. He reeked havoc in my life and my kids' lives. Reconnecting with him is NOT on the table.
However, I must recognize his behavior for what it is - likely a recycle attempt - in order to maintain my vigilant mindset. I need to never let my guard down with him.
Your reinforcement of that is VERY helpful.
His stating that he needs a friend indicates he likely needs a victim.
YES, Naughty Nibbler, I think it is this exactly! Thank you for capturing this precisely in such a memorable way.
When you don't reply, as he so charmingly says he is leaving up to you, you will probably get another email which won't be as remotely pleasant.
If he thinks sounding sweet might work, that is what he will do.
Sadly and whitebackatcha, thank y'all, this is exactly what happened during 10 months of stalking. He'd text me how much he loved and missed me and then he'd threaten me.
My sister shared a horrible story about a friend who was stalked. The stalker had gone away for 20 years and then reappeared on FB. My sister's friend thought it was okay after that long and BAM she was right back to being stalked and terrorized by him.
I must remember this always.
what else could it be but a recycling attempt? what good for you could come from reconnecting with him?
Marti644, thank you, your affirmation is VERY helpful. It doesn't seem like it should be necessary but thinking of this as a recycle catches me by surprise. Last night I was like "
ohhhhh, THAT is what this is... ." Like duh. But it really helps to hear you say so.
We all hope (with all our hearts) they change. Most likely he didnt. Id say he is trying to sweet talk you, hoping to lure you back, using kind ideas and logic, and a "life-enriching friendship" sounds nice? I agree with Marti and Sadly. What will YOU get from the friendship if you reconnect? And the next email will likely not be as nice.
Thanks crushedbyac, there is no way he changed. Unless he got some exceptionally great counseling in prison which is improbable, he is most likely WORSE than when I last spoke to him in 2014.
What would I get from reconnecting with him? More of the same. More rage, more threats, more criticism, a depleted bank account, more lies, more theft, and the worst of all, the LOSS OF MY FAMILY. My daughter has no tolerance for bullsh*t and she would go off the rails at this. My sisters, parents, son, close friends would all be appalled. And honestly, that would be nothing compared to how I would feel inside having let myself be suckered and screwed a second time. Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice shame on me. For the record, I've already been fooled way more than two times in our short 8 month r/s so there is no excuse.
And so I need to stay away as well. Well done for taking your life back!
Absolutely true for me, roberto516. I worked so freaking HARD to take my life back. It was so hard for so long with all of his persistence. I can kinda forget how hard it was. But it was grueling. Never going back. Thank you. Just writing that and remembering how hard it was is helpful.
Thanks again to ALL of you. I really need this. Not because I feel like responding. But just to remember who he is and what this situation is REALLY.
I am so very hopeful that his email was the LAST. My letter of liberation. I can appreciate that and be thankful for that AND at the same time be smart, alert, and very aware of the
true intent of the email: not to be his friend but to be his victim (thanks again, Naughty Nibbler).