HELP BPD facebooking friends

[acknowledgement]

After silent treatment, emotional abuse, black listed overnight, cruelty... .BPD would not take my calls or any attempts to speak... .hence, I went NC from BPD (VERY difficult as was a friend of 3 decades)... .however, kept reminding self of the emotional abuse/silent treatment/devaluing, painted black, stone cold words, refusal of phone calls,etc. all after seemingly normal conversation around MY birthday which occured right after MY BIRTHDAY of course, which she often took the liberty of ruining with rage! fast forward... .after 4 successful years of NC, BPD trying to contact my friends and family through facebook with loving, good memory messages, expressions of love and missing them, and also saying things like "give her a kiss" "give a hug to her from me" regarding me... .what is this? A recycle attempt? What should I do if a family member is actually responding to her message... .saying "they are nice"... .I asked her not to and she told me I was over reacting. She knows everything the BPD put me and my family through... .should I stay NC of course with BPD? Why do they have this power - if I am honest, I actually felt some tenderness and even considered (FOR A BRIEF MOMENT) of reconciling attempt... .help to stay strong please. any advise. Also, how do I deal with family member who has already responded to her, which I do not agree with... .she just told me to "relax" and "past is past"

[infjEpic]

Why do they have this power?

They don't have any power. You have.
You have the power to maintain NC - if that is what you wish to do.

She can attempt to lure you, seduce you, tempt you or whatever. But she can't control you.

Assuming everyone understands she is disordered, what she did and what she is capable of (including you) -  I probably wouldn't bat an eyelid. I might even shake my head and laugh to myself "Still crazy after all these years" .

Just ensure your family members or whoever know that you are NC, and not to provide any information about you, other than - "oh, acknowledgement is doing incredible, but very private, so can't discuss that".

You can't really tell them not to have a conversation with her, but you have every right to ask that your privacy be respected.

she just told me to "relax" and "past is past"

People who've not been through a Cluster B relationship just won't get it.

Point them here if you think it will help?

help to stay strong please

You don't need help.
You are strong. Your confidence is just a little shook. Totally normal.

But this quote springs to mind:

Albert Einstein is broadly credited with exclaiming “The definition of insanity is once more trying the same thing you've done over and over again, but this time hoping for something different to happen"

If that doesn't help - just think of promiscuous she has probably been and god knows what she may be carrying *bleurgh*

Could have HIV for all you know.

[acknowledgement]

Thank you so much for the response... .she was a friend, not a sexual partner  so that part don't have to think about! Is it validated to feel that family members and casual friends should not want to speak to her, after the harm she caused me and my family and she spoke so ill about all of them at one time too? Is it wrong to ask them to just go NC with her too as she does have the power to use information against people - jobs, etc... .and she is so manipulative she is likely able to get out info from them that she wants (she sweet talks them how wonderful they are, they look, they're doing, all the great memories, and then sneaks in a little how is she give her a hug... .blah blah and they fall for it)!

[Pretty Woman]

Hi There!

First off   and congrats on successfully maintaining NC that long. That is a true accomplishment and shows how strong your boundaries are. You should be very proud of that.  

It sounds like this recent event triggered you. That is very understandable given what you went through with your ex friend. My ex has also reached out to friends of mine and I am sure there are some friends who have never told me they were contacted (as to not trigger me). These friends are my closest ones who have my best interest in mind and don't want to see me back where I was two years ago. It wasn't pretty.

In my opinion, and this is just my opinion, I would not tell people not to speak with her or communicate with her. I would however tell my friends or the people relaying this info to you that "she is no longer a part of your life, you've moved on and you don't wish to hear about her". End of story. If they proceed to tell or try to relay info after you state that, walk away. Hold your boundary. If they are good friends they will absolutely respect that.

If not, you may want to seriously re-evaluate those friendships because they are violating your boundaries and not respecting your wishes.

As infjEpic mentioned, people who have not been in a Cluster B relationship will never truly understand what we went through. Try not to be too hard on your friends and family that don't get it. As infjEpic suggested, direct them to materials where they can read more about this disorder, help educate them if anything.

As for your ex friend you have absolutely no control over her actions. With the same respect you don't owe her or anyone else speaking to her anything. I would proceed with your life as you have been doing and ignore her futile attempts to get to you because that is what this is.

She succeeded this time (in triggering you), but you know better. Time to take back the power again. I know you can do it, you've been NC for 4yrs. You got this.  

[acknowledgement]

T h a n k y o u... .yes, the trigger! Wow... .what did help, and perhaps this can help others, is to read over some of the abusive, emotionally damaging notes, texts, etc that I saved prior to the NC... .and it certainly reinforces why she will remain NC... .I am certain you know how much I appreciate your response... .