How much is enough? Kids protection-

My bf of 1.5 years has 3 children. D11, S9 (autistic), S8. He has been divorced from uBPDexW for 2 years and separated close to 4. He previously had the kids 90% of the time although the decree was standard extended. He had been trying to encourage a positive relationship with their mom because they were exhibiting lots of issues with her come and go behaviors. So he started trying to enforce more consistent routine visitations. She's never paid child support or assisted in getting their son with autism any sort of help. After any sort of visitation with her the kids seem to come back noticeably changed. The eight-year-old will cry in the corner in the fetal position and then yell at his father that he is annoying and he hates him. The 11-year-old will mirror and mimic their mothers every behavior, "You're just trying to control me!" Their mother has recently started living with her female lover and leaves the kids with her. Her paramour will not care for them when they are in her care and just stays locked in the bedroom. She exposes them to extremely violent media and has no regard for the autistic sons photographic memory and seeing people's faces blown off. Finally the kids had enough of not feeling safe with her and told her they didn't want to go to her house if her gf was there. She promised them up and down that things would change and she loved them and that her gf would move out. The following Thursday she picked them up for school, and took them toy shopping then brought them back to the house where her gf still was and didn't take their son to soccer practice because they were too busy being bought off and the gf said 'sorry' so all was right in the world! Toys and a half baked 'sorry, I'll turn it down' counts, right? Last week she told him she would intentionally be telling the kids that he was horrible and that he was brain washing them, etc. the next time she had them which was yesterday's possession. Today she was supposed to take them to school and then her car broke down and she took her girlfriends car and instead of taking kids to school she just took them to her work and put them in an empty room with a cell phone. She didn't inform their dad and then he got a call from the school asking why they were absent. He found them and went and gathered them up at her work to take them to school. When he got there he was met with the kids (who are normally very excited and relieved to see their dad as he is their safe constant when she abandons them) yelling at him about how he isn't their dad, they are orphans, and they hate him because he tells 'their secrets' to me. He tried to talk to his autistic son after school on the phone and he started to tell his dad that he was sent to the principals office today and their mother cut him off and yelled at him to not tell his dad "things I told you not to say" and is overheard encouraging them to keep things (that are totally normal in topic) away from their dad. She came to bring them home at 9pm this evening and hadn't fed them dinner because they were too busy playing on their new hover boards (have I mentioned she's never paid her $80/mo child support? Or for any therapies for any of the kids? Or daycare?), and they are visibly upset to be at the place that was up until today their haven. So he has hit the wall when he pulls up and is frustrated and calls her crap out to make sure these kids have the opportunity to know the reality and her gf gets out of the car aggressively like she's going to do something. But he tells her to get off his lawn. The kids were obviously upset that they had to be there (since she had convinced them his place was now horrible because he apparently does all these horrible things and I 'yell' at them for standard mom behavior and try to control them). The lady is SICK. He needs to protect these kids, but doesn't have thousands of dollars to do it, and the effect on the kids is getting worse and worse. They are effectively being taught that dysfunctional is healthy and healthy is 'abusive and controlling'.HELP! He is an amazing man, but I have 2 kids of my own and don't particularly want to be court poor for the rest of my life or have his kids mirroring behaviors effect my own kids.



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