Hi all... .
I may be the mom of a BPD child... .
THIS IS VERY LONG I AM SO SORRY, BUT I NEED TO UNLOAND AND CONNEVT. Please - I need an ally... .a friend./... .a support group... .
Does this sound familiar?
After 14 years of closeness, sharing , laughter... .all changed at age 15 for my daughter and I. I'm not sure if this triggered it all, but... .
In 2016 we took a whirlwind trip to X foreign country. It was NOT a hardship tour!
It was the #1 place to visit... .We're talking major BucketLister! We had fun. We shopped. We dined, and visited castles ANDS SAW WORLD HERITAGE SIGHTS. WE MET OLD FRIENDS. We giggled and laughter and ate and even shared a cramped tiny apartment I had rented.
We have always been close. Mommy n me gym class, pedicures, stories every night... .walks in park, painting her room every year, snuggling, me bringing here to every dentist and dr appt ever... .bday parties, teddy bear sleepovers etc. I'm crying thinking of it all.
In 8th grade she started to withdraw.
Dinners became "uh huh, yup, etc",.
She would ride to school with me in silence- or WORSE- in a morase of negativity.!
One day , in a 5 mile drive from our home to school I counted 17 negative comments from her - from Today's gonna suck, to I hate algebra (OK<so do I... .) to I hate school lunch, to this song on radio sucks, to my teachers are awful... .to its raining, My hair looks awful, I hate school, I hate the radio,,, etc etc etc
She preferred to sit aLONE IN HER ROOM TO PLAYING CARDS, HAVING FAMILY BBQ, listening to music, etc.
She became more negative by the Day... .
To highlight this, her friends were so different. One day a friend came over for dinner. the friend offered to help clear dishes while She sat there glaring.Her friends would share their silly stories and plans for summer break (camp, church, jobs, etc) and She would say "I'm doing nothing". (Leaving out traveling to Europe, the Atlantic Coast, Disney world, and seeing family and friends... .)
In 9th grade she Became demanding. Refused to answer a text, but the SECOND she wanted a ride, $, etc she would text bomb usand get IRATE of no one jumped at her text.
If asked to pick up her wet bathtowels, or her make up from sink she would slam doors. If asked to place sanitary supplied in trash she would storm out of the bathroom and refuse to speak.
Upon return from a mom and me trip to a wonderful place - ok, Ill say it - Paris... .all changed. OVERNIGHT.
THERE WAS NO NEGATIVE EVENT. SHE WAS NOT ABUSED, AGGRESSED IN ANYWAY.
Child became aggressive, mean, blaming.
Refused eye contact with anyone... .
Was rude, defiant, cold... .COLD!
Refused the meagerest requests for interaction.
Eschewed all physical contact.
Refused to even talk to her grandparents.
8 months later... .
Child hates me even more now... .
She is in therapy and seeing a psych, diagnosed with depression and bipolar tendancies... .
Ive seen a therapist for help in how I can "deal with this" and stay whole for my other child and my spouse... .and my job!
She Has moved out of my house, telling me she hates me, always has, always will, and never wants to see me again.
Child has actually asked to me emancipated from me! (But, btw wants money for fancy dresses to wear to a formal dance, and to pay for drivers ed - and assumably an eventiually car and auto insurance).
Child has actually demanded the carpet from her bedroom, requested furniture to bring to her dads house.(request denied!) and unbelievably had her dad even brought her over to get a carpet and furniture - FROM MY HOME - while I was out of the house. (He returned it)
Child says I have always been emotionally abusive. (SO UNTRUE. I have loved her deeply every moment of her life)
Child is living with her other parent, who happens to live in same town.
Blames me for a divorce that happened in 2008 (not true, he left us all, I had to foreclose our home, and manage HUGE debt $55000 ! he left- when he abandoned me with 2 kids for a woman he had dated in 1980. No joke.)
Says I ruined her other parent financially. (Not true. We have NO FINANCIAL TIES. He is a gambler, alcoholic and cannot manage his money. I am a fiscal FREAK. A cheapskate. I coupon. I cook at home. I buy bulk at Aldi's... .I buy clothes at goodwill or swap parties with friends! We each, my ex and I , make the exact same - and frankly very healthy - 6 digit salary. I am debt free and will retire at 55. He is flat broke without a proverbial pot. he asks me for loans. He has borrowed from his pension. He is garnished by the IRS and on and on... .).
Child is failing 3 subjects at school - but it's MY fault as her teachers are all incompetent, crazy and out to get her(NOT TRUE. We are one of the best 100 schools in the USA, according to USEducation Report)
Child has NO recollection of ever - EVER- being happy. (Complete fallacy... .if I were to list the experiences we have shared it is almost embarrassing, incredible experiences shared, places seen, people met, meals shared, etc... .I am considering opening my home to a Syrian refugee, I feel so completely over blessed in my life... .)
Child has cut off all ties to my parents and other family members who "have never loved her" (again, untrue. She is the most loved and cherished child... .)
Child refuses to speak or even look at me(tho she sees me every day at school - I work where she attends)
Child says I have "ruined her life" and that I am crazy, immoral (?) and that I should never have been born. (? No explanation at all... .IDK)
Child says I never wanted kids, and just had them so I would "look perfect to others" (BTW children were very wanted. One was very intentionally planned and conceived, the other adopted. NOT ACCIDENTS!)
Child hates everyone , except her dad (but only when he says yes)
Child has moved out of my house (where she was held accountable, given basic chores, etc empty the dishwasher) and moved into other parents home where -
There are no rules.
She has no chores at all.
She has never washed a dish, fed the dog or cat or watched her younger (disabled) sister.
She was bought a new iPhone (after she broke her 2nd and 3rd iPhones this year).
She is allowed to eat dinner in her room where it it served to her on a tray
Granted permission to get a drivers licence
OK, I warned you this was long.
What do I seek?
Validated.
A similar experience.
Words of wisdom... .
I hope there is someone out there that has the time, pastience and insight top hear my voice and lend a shoulder to lean on... .
