Hello

[Pattycakes]

    My son is 22 y/o    He was diagnosed with a learning disability in kindergarten.  It was never described as ADD but he was alwaysgiven extra help with his work.   When he went to college, he went to New Haven his first year and was not happy so we transferred him to Scranton University which is much harder academically.  It was a difficult transition since he was a transfer student.  Looking back even in his teens, I now see he had some social anxiety but he was always protected because he had a small group of friends.  HIs first year of college he got caught smoking  pot on campus. He was on probation for a year and continued to struggle with his academics.   In his Junior year, he had to declare his major.  He wanted to do education (probably be a gym teacher) He did not get accepted to the college of education because his GPA was 2.92 and he needed a 3.0    It is a tough school but a great school.   Anyway he defaulted to be a history major which I new would be very difficult for him because of his learning dissability and also because he had no interest in history!  He also refused to seek help from the learning center.   He started develop anxiety  and depression that became move obvious.  I took him to a psychiatrist who gave him lexapro  and adderal    It seemed to help initially with his work but he began taking too much adderal and his   anxiety worsened.   In the fall of his senior year, he started to have bad panic attacks and this is when he shut down.  He was failing everything not going to class and seemed very depressed.  I met with the Dean who was willing to work with him since he was so close to graduating.  He still shut down and failed everything. The shame he felt was so painful for him that he took to bed for 5 days during the christmas holiday.   We came up with a second plan to enroll him in St Peters locally.   He was doing well with the adderal and I  would get him up everyday.  Mid semester I went away on vacation and he just stopped going to school.   I did notice that he was going through his adderal   very quickly so I  told his Dr who then stopped it.    The depression really deepened and he would stay in bed for days at a time.  He lived in squalor and did not care about his appearance, or any normal things that people care about on a daily bases.  Hi lexapro was increased and he had a part time job in the recreation center basically as a janitor
I found a flip phone in his room and when I googled it, it is used by people who do not wanted to be tracked like drug dealers.  He does smoke a lot of pot and drinks on the weekends.   I also found an empty vial of vyvanse in his backpack that was a prescription for someone else.  There are a few other indications that may suggest that he is using drugs ( more than pot) but I do not want to be long winded in my first post.  My question is, does anyone have a child with BPD that has also gotten involved with drugs     What are the warning signs?  How do I approach him?   He also cashed a check that I left in the house with my signiture.    I always  leave a signed check for emergncies    He said was  for the gym and that he told me about it but I don't remember him telling me and I did see some charges of 135.00 on my credit card.   when i asked him, he got all irritated and rattled off all these numbers like I was some sort of idiot.  I apprectiate  any  suggestions

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[livednlearned]

Hi Pattycakes,

I worry about the same trajectory you describe with my own son (15). I can only imagine how hard it has been for you, to see your son almost succeed, only to succumb to his struggles

It sounds like your S22 still lives at home with you?

Does he suspect he might have BPD?

Glad you are posting. It helps to share and learn from what others are going through.

LnL

[Pattycakes]

   Thank you for your response.   I am not sure if he has a behavioral personality disorder or if he developed some addiction to the adderal   I am so baffled, but I do know that he is in deeper than he realizes .  Its like "what came first the chicken or the egg"   Did the adderal stimulate the anxiety and depression or was his depression present and masked by the adderal    I do know that his life is very secrete and he is very irritable lately . What has been your experience been with your son. 
He still lives at home but spends most of the time in his room either sleeping or playing x box.   there is no communication with me or my husband
Pattycakes

[livednlearned]

It can be very baffling, like you say, trying to sort out why people don't seem to thrive

My son (15) has a father who is bipolar with suspected BPD.

S15 was diagnosed ADD/ADHD combined type, ODD (oppositional defiant disorder) at age 9, and is being treated for depression with prozac and adderall for the ADD. He was diagnosed with OCD at age 14.

Like your son, he spends a lot of time in his room (gaming on a PC).

One thing I have learned is that the skills recommended here work whether it is ADD or BPD.

With S15, I have to validate his anxiety and depression while setting strong boundaries. He likely feels depression because separation stress is overwhelming, and then anxiety becomes a coping response to prevent him from feeling overwhelming depression.

S15 has a lot of rigidity due to OCD, and has crippling perfectionism. I validate how hard it is to fail, how that can be an intense and awful feeling, etc. And then walk him through what he needs to do, on his own. He wants food? He has to come with me to the supermarket and shop. He wants a meal? He has to prepare it himself. He is responsible for refilling his own medication. He has to get himself up in the morning and watch the time when he is in the shower. These are all things that are easy for me to do on my own, but if I do these things for him, he does not learn self-care and was developing an unrealistic idea of how things work in the real world. I also began to feel resentment in combination with dread. I proposed changes as a way for me to feel better so that our relationship would not revolve around nagging.

We are taking small steps together toward him becoming a functioning adult. With S15, I try to come up with reasonable boundaries that work for both of us.

The key is to not be codependent, while having a way for both of us to manage the anxiety when we change our roles.

Right now, as we ride out third quarter, we are talking together about disconnecting the Internet at 7pm so that he focuses on school work. When he gets caught up, the Internet will be on 24/7. Usually, he is very aware of the problem and feels safe enough discussing his struggles with me (I had to learn to change how I communicate with him for this to occur). We then discuss some different options, and try to work out a plan starting with tiny little changes.