Is there a spectrum of low to higher functioning?

[Lalathegreat]

I ask because this past week is something I am really struggling to process. Many of you probably read about how I was on a vacation with my BPD partner and that it did not go well. Thank you for your kind words and support - because I was posting only when I had time to myself from my phone I wasn't able to engage in dialogue as actively as I would have liked.

Aside from the first night which was wonderful, the entire vacation was an absolute BPD minefield. And of course EVERYTHING ultimately is my fault.  In our conversations over the course of this week I have gathered that my partner felt that this was our opportunity to begin "building our future". And yet, at the end of the day, I have never felt more distance between us. He of course feels that this is entirely my fault. That I "checked out" and had no interest in being close with him. I feel that all of the nitpicking and criticizing from HIM had me either walking on eggshells or pulling away to enforce boundaries the entire time.

Two things I am wondering about. First... .do they EVER really forgive what they percieve to be a slight? SO MANY times this week he brought up - with rage - stuff that happened months ago. Things that I have apologized for since and attempted to "make right". Obviously I need to "radically accept" that my slate NEVER gets wiped clean. Conversely - he has accused me many times of holding his past actions against him when I have made a point of NOT doing so. Projection?

Second - I struggle mightily with EVER understanding what he truly means when he says pretty much ANYTHING. For example - on the drive home he told me that "many things happened on our trip and he is going to have to figure out what that means." Now, in my mind if I were to say something like that, I would be referring to how I was trying to figure out whether or not the relationship could work in light of things that had happened. When asked for clarification, he suddenly claims that he is attempting to decide how these things factor into my "emotional process" and how he can work with that information within the context of our relationship. Are we speaking english?

To bring it back to the original question - it seems that some people with BPD function a little better than others. This week I began wondering if BPD explains the entirety and extent of my person's dysfunction. There will be another post where I want to dissect a specific situation - but the disconnect from reality this week felt EXTREME and CONSTANT and I am wondering if he might have other things going on in addition to the BPD.

Thoughts?

 

[flourdust]

I think the term you are looking for is "comorbidity." There is research showing that BPD commonly has comorbidities with multiple other disorders -- depression, anxiety, substance abuse, others. People are complex, and personality disorders manifest in very individual ways. We see a lot of common traits in the people described here, but expressed in very different behaviors and thoughts. Make sense?

The high-functioning and low-functioning terms aren't really part of a clinical diagnosis. They can serve as a shorthand to describe how a pwBPD is presenting to the world.

So, the blaming and projection you saw, as well as the dwelling on negativity, are characteristic of BPD ... .but your partner has his own ways of manifesting them. You're asking if things will ever be forgiven? Well, one of the traits of BPD is the rapid cycling between emotional extremes. Your partner will probably -- when in a more positive mood -- forgive/forget any slights. But the disorder means that when he cycles back to a negative mood, he can go right back to ruminating on them.

As for how well people with BPD function -- yes, that varies quite a bit, just as it does for the rest of the population. It's also not necessarily stable. Someone with BPD can be high-functioning at some point in their life and low-functioning at others. I would guess that's dependent on other factors -- life stressors, depression, hormones, etc.

[Jester20]

I think the term you are looking for is "comorbidity." There is research showing that BPD commonly has comorbidities with multiple other disorders -- depression, anxiety, substance abuse, others. People are complex, and personality disorders manifest in very individual ways. We see a lot of common traits in the people described here, but expressed in very different behaviors and thoughts. Make sense?

The high-functioning and low-functioning terms aren't really part of a clinical diagnosis. They can serve as a shorthand to describe how a pwBPD is presenting to the world.

So, the blaming and projection you saw, as well as the dwelling on negativity, are characteristic of BPD ... .but your partner has his own ways of manifesting them. You're asking if things will ever be forgiven? Well, one of the traits of BPD is the rapid cycling between emotional extremes. Your partner will probably -- when in a more positive mood -- forgive/forget any slights. But the disorder means that when he cycles back to a negative mood, he can go right back to ruminating on them.

As for how well people with BPD function -- yes, that varies quite a bit, just as it does for the rest of the population. It's also not necessarily stable. Someone with BPD can be high-functioning at some point in their life and low-functioning at others. I would guess that's dependent on other factors -- life stressors, depression, hormones, etc.

Totally agree with this. My husband was a high functioning BPD who held down a managerial position for 13 years.
Then he had a back issue, had to have surgery, couldn't work, met me , never disclosed any of his issues, things were bad right from the start for us, he got addicted to his pain meds, we had to move, he tried to kill himself, his dad died, and only in the last year has he kicked his habit, got into therapy , feeling stable and talking about going back to work... .he has been out of work for 7 years.

His mother refuses to believe any of this of her son as she has only ever seen him as a high functioning BPD and so a lot of these things were not happening.