Child safety

[jjacquez]

Hi
I’ve been married with a BPD wife  (just realized she is BPD (psychiatric told me 1 month ago)
lots of ups and downs on the relationship, (I learned to ignore her when bad mood etc)
however we got a beautiful daughter (10 years old) looks healthy (according to school psychology lady)
 
I‘ve 2 options:
1.- Send back my BPD wife including my lovely daughter with her parents (so they can mediate and protect my daughter as well as provide an image to her of a good couple )
2.- Stay with BPD and take care of daughter (when out of work) and keep wife on psychiatric treatment)
 
feel like no way out (I just want the best for my daughter, I think if she sees a dysfunctional marriage will be worst for her)
 
Would like to get your best advice,
appreciate it in advance.

[TommyBahama]

Hi and welcome .  Shes getting treatment, does that mean she realizes there is a problem or she feels forced into it?  Has the treatment shown any improvement so far?

[jjacquez]

Thanks for asking, well she is under depression treatment Symbiax3/25 and another mood moderator antivonvulsionant (dont recall the name) however she is reluctant to go with Psychiatric any more, she puts herself on a victim position and claims why Im not also with the Doctor... at the end she left Psychiatric but continues (randomly taking her pills).  The Psychiatric is a great profesional and very straightforward...

Thoughts?

[sweetheart]

Hi and welcome,

When you say send your w and daughter back what does that mean and what would it look like in practice?

If you were to stay together as a family how much time could you give to sharing the parenting with your wife given that you work?

It is positive that your daughter is ok and has not been too greatly affected by her mothers illness. My son is just 9, I would say it is only in the last year that he has started to become fully aware of the limitations that BPD places on his fathers capacity to parent him. I do not work and in the last four years my husband has not had any direct parental responsibility for our son. (by this I mean I never leave our son solely in his care)
The illness IME has a greater more emotionally detrimental impact as the child gets older.

[jjacquez]

Oh sorry I didnt explain well, I talked about sent her back to her parents house (my daughter too) so at least daugther will be in another environment and not looking 5 out of 7 days her parents without love... .
due to type of work I could be with family about 3 out of 5 days per week from 730PM til next day morning 7AM
and weekends will be every sat and sunday or at least 3 weekends from the month...
If I sent them back to grandparents (wife) I would see my daugther like every 15 days entire weekend (only)...

Im sorry about your situation too, and yes the emotional development and self esteem is the one that it is impacted, my daugther looks ok, but Im sure she could be better, and Im also worried if she continues living this then she will emotionally impacted... and potentially physical due to wife cant control angry and has hit my daugther,... not so heavy (then she regrets and cry)  but Im afraid this could get worse ...

So weird this BPD  I wish I had a brainwash system (audio video and electrodes) to reconstruct her brain (Im an Engineer btw)