How do I establish my rights?

[byfaith]

We are having to live under the same roof during the divorce. We have been in separate rooms since august. One of the problems I am having is that while I am at work she will go into my room and go through my things and remove items that she deems belong to her. The actual items she takes are not that signifigant but its the fact she goes through my things and makes her own decision.
Ok she also on the other hand has taken things from her room and put them in mine . She is doing this to "control" the situation.
I get home last night and she has removed pictures from the walls of the living room kitchen and bathroom and has stuck them in her closet. Some i dont care about. Some are disputable about who should get them.
Basically she is trying to run all over me. When I attempt to establish or discuss any of this she justifies her behavior, when i say i want to go into her room and take out what is mine she tell me i am being spiteful.
i have no control over what she is doing. She told me last night you forget who you are dealing with!
She is the type that would go to blows over this stuff.
If i place a lock on my bedroom door she would break it off. If she decided not to break it off she would destroy something of mine.
Dont know what to do legally. If i raise a spoon she raises a knife. If i pull a knife she points a 357 in my face. All figurative of course. She will get the upper hand and damn the consequences.

[flourdust]

Put a lock on your door, and move anything of irreplaceable sentimental value out of the house. And expect that you can't control what she does.

You will figure out how to divide property in the divorce. It's not a matter of whoever hoards the most stuff in their room gets to keep it. However, you should make a photo or video inventory of everything ASAP so you have a record of things that might go missing.

[formflier]

OK... there is a question you need to ask your lawyer.  How to create "your space" in the house you are both living under.

It may not be possible... .legally. 

Perhaps a separation agreement is in order, even though you are in the same house.

Locks on windows and doors.  Expect her to do the same.

The question is, what to do about it when she removes your door.  You don't want to "try" and do something that is not enforceable.

The critical thing is to not leave things in the house that really matter.  Document things with your video on your phone.  Make sure that is uploaded.

Mindset:  You won't be able to stop her... .you will be able to document and potentially hold her accountable.

She will not be reasonable... .so mentally prepare for this.

FF

[HopefulDad]

You have to go the legal route to get this done.  Otherwise forget it.

On a related note, here's a piece of unsolicited advice: Move OUT!  Divorce is already stressful enough as it is, especially in the early going.  You're only making your life worse having to put up with an angry STBX under the same roof.  People all the time say "having to live under the same roof... .".  I know I don't have all of your details on why you say this is a necessity, but I suspect it's not black and white.  Try really hard to find a way.  If money is the main driver, then definitely find a way out.  You can always get the money back later.  You can't get back your sanity.

[byfaith]

thank you all for your input... .

if anyone reads ":)rudge Report" it would read as such:

SHE'S MOVING OUT!
developing... .

[HopefulDad]

thank you all for your input... .

if anyone reads ":)rudge Report" it would read as such:

SHE'S MOVING OUT!
developing... .

Even better.

[formflier]

Dude!  Nice... .stay neutral... .help a bit... .but not too much. 

Change locks once she is gone.

Dude... this is a good indication.  Tell more... .

FF

[byfaith]

Well that was fake news... .going to ask some questions by starting a new post
Sounds like the people that were going to rent from her apparently backed out

[formflier]

Keep in mind it could have all been to stir you up... ."I'm leaving... .now I'm not" and she watches your reaction and "gets something" from it.

There is a fine line here.  You don't want to totally ignore, yet if there are details you can pick up that you might be able to put into a formal offer to get her out of the house (sooner rather than later), that would most likely be worthwhile.

Hang in there.

FF

[livednlearned]

We are having to live under the same roof during the divorce.

Oof. That is rough.

I can see why it would be frustrating to have your stuff moved, even if it's not super meaningful to you. She's not respecting your space.

What about relocating the things you care about? This is pretty common legal advice. My L told me to move anything I cared about out of the house because those things tend to go "missing" or get destroyed during the divorce.

The part that is really unfair in all this is that your belongings are not valued at what it would cost to replace them, but what they are worth if you tried to sell them on Craig's list or whatnot.

Being BPD, she is going to really struggle with controlling her emotions and curbing her impulsive behaviors. Fortunately, being nonBPD, you can be more reflective with your emotions.

You are probably also better at being proactive rather than reactive (e.g. removing things you care about, for safe keeping).

It's pretty hard to have physical boundaries during divorce when you're both living together