How long have you been or how long were you stuck?

[montenell]

I'm asking how long have you been stuck between leaving and staying or if you left or they left how long were you stuck... I find myself very short on patience nowadays but having  two little kids and all that makes me reconsider. Sometimes it's pretty smooth but like right now all she wants is excitement excitement excitement, I can't offer that because I bring stability and responsibility etc and I'm tempted to say well go out and find someone who excites you as I'm sick of it all...

[Smileypants]

I am stuck. I felt like I was "crazy" for about the first 6 years.  then when I learned of my BPD husbands diagnosis (from when he was a teen) I first was understanding and learning and researching.  I have felt stuck for about 3 years, but more so in the last year and a half.  Wanting to leave, not sure how to do it.  Two of the children could be affected and I don't trust him with them.

[babyoctopus]

When you mean, stuck, you mean in the relationship too scared to get out?
Exactly 23 years. Now divorcing.
Plotting and making real efforts (not just venting and complaining, but DOING) towards leaving took about 7 years. That's about when I realized nothing was ever going to improve. Sure, over 20 + years there would be bright spots and good times, but they became more and more rare.
It was Mother's Day about 6-7 years ago. Blowup over the fact that he had to work and I went to the mother's day luncheon at restaurant w his family. Even though he would meet us there later- I just went first that was all. He was disgusting- humiliated me in front of all- ON MOTHER's day. Wouldn't let up- even after we left. Name calling, raging. Told him to leave. He did. I wish with all my might I kept to it then, but after about a week he begged to come back and I let him. But that event really ws turning point - something inside me just died. No longer loved him. Planned my escape all those years till now- got a good job. Therapy to deal with the FOG- how to resist it. Made a financial plan. Got a lawyer.
It takes time. Was very scary when he finally left- wasn't sure if I would follow through, but finally I did.
Can't wait till dv is final.

[SamwizeGamgee]

Stuck? Like looking at my marriage as a life sentence and wrongly imprisoned for a crime I never committed.  Or like hitting rock bottom two years ago and starting therapy because I couldn't tell what was the worst option between death, marriage, or dovorce?

Actually the stuck I feel now is a responsibility towards my kids, who above all should be held innocent.
But, to answer your question, I slid downhill for 17 years.  That was 2 years ago. So, I've been stuck and aware of why for two years.