Hi Blackbirdsong,
I havent posted in quite a while but I still come back to the boards now and again and your question resonated with me.
Yes i see a definite pattern with my dd22 "boyfriends". All those that I know of have been older than her. The first was maybe a year older, second was 5 years older and the last one that i know of she was seeing briefly was at least a good decade older than her... .and those are the ones i know about. There have been many hookups in between that if i had to put my money on I would say were more than likely all older than her. I remember dds cousin telling me that when dd was much younger and starting out with boys she told her cousin that she preferred older boys as they were more on her level intellectually. I have no doubt that my dd does have a high IQ but she is also very NPD with it so she has even gone after boys who she knew full well had gfs just because she wanted the boy. My dd has always been secretive with me about her dating and has always insisted that any boy she showed interest in or if they showed interest in her was only a good friend. Both she and her children's daddy were even Both still insisting that they were best friends who only liked to hang out together even after the first baby was born! By the time second gchild came along they were no longer just best friends and she was after him for child support of the 2 kids So so much for liking the more mature man!.Every relationship she has whether with a male or female is always shrouded in secrecy and none of them ever get formally introduced to me or any of our family. I do think that these days she doesnt do it around her kids though which is a good thing. I have them quite regularly so I think she goes out then or enjoys "company" at home when they are out of the house.
The way I deal with it is to stay out of it. I just dont ask any questions anymore concerning her r/s. It was physically causing me too much stress. I would be left to try to figure out their lives while they would be back enjoying the honeymoon period and denying there was ever a problem.I would give dd and baby daddy advice and it would backfire and often be used against me. I would often be accused of being either jealous, wanting to split them up or trying to take him for myself! The stress from dd's r/s are usually too much for me to deal with so i keep away from bringing that stress in to my life. I want my life to be calm.My dd on the other hand enjoys drama and choas and wants everything TODAY and at full speed. She is maturing but I find still not prepared to look at herself and her shortcomings or work on relationships with anyone without expecting something in return. Iam finding it easier these days to just take care of me and my grandkids and stay away from all of dd's dramas as much as i can.
