She has an account on a dating site...

[Shedd]

SO, it's been a while! I have been doing pretty good getting along with my ex and all.  I recently found her on a dating website claiming to be a lesbian when she broke up with me because she was interested in men, and seeing other people.  It just frustrates me because she is not a lesbian, she is bi, unless of course she agrees with me now about men... .HAHA.  Kind of sucks for me now though that she's not confused anymore.  I went through hell and back for this woman.  Guess I just need to forget about it. 

[Grey Kitty]

Yeah, it clearly sucks... .but I don't recall your history so I'm not clear on exactly what the problem is and what you might want to do about it.

Are you trying to be 'friends' with her after the breakup, move on, or hoping to reconnect with her romantically?

[Shedd]

Yeah, it clearly sucks... .but I don't recall your history so I'm not clear on exactly what the problem is and what you might want to do about it.

Are you trying to be 'friends' with her after the breakup, move on, or hoping to reconnect with her romantically?

I would like to be friends with her as I care for her greatly.  I have always thought she would be "the one" but as time goes on I realize that it's probably not good for me to get back into a relationship with her ever again so I'm fine with being friends.  The problem is, the REASON for her claiming to be a lesbian on the dating site when I know for a fact that she is bi.  I mean... .maybe she's really figured herself out during the break up time, but it makes me sad because she left me to figure that out! I honestly thought it would take her a longer time to do that, and makes me feel like we could have worked it out. I really wish we could have worked it out, but I knew that couldn't happen being together.  We even tried being in an open relationship, but I would end up getting to jealous of her talking to other guys.  

It just really sucks she's figured it out so quickly. I feel like the next person she dates is going to get a huge wake up call just the same as it happened to me, and I feel bad for anyone who dates her and thinks she is strictly lez. Unless she's lying about being a lesbian.  I know she's had some issues with bi, and lesbians not wanting to date her because she isn't a lesbian so I wonder if that's why she lies about being a lesbian. I have had similar experiences with lesbian women thinking I'm bi (I'm not) and not wanting to be with me because of that.  Being bi has a bad rap so I can see mabe why she would have that as her status.

[formflier]

How long has it been since you have been in contact with her?

FF

[Shedd]

How long has it been since you have been in contact with her?

FF

I talked to her last week.

[vortex of confusion]

She isn't confused at the moment because that isn't what suits her at the moment. People have all sorts of reasons for saying and doing the things that they do. My ex would tell me all sorts of things regarding his sexuality. He would tell me that he was bi one week and then say he was straight the next. He would tell me that he was only into stuff that was vanilla yet I found a conversation he had with some other woman where he was saying that he was into BDSM type stuff. The bottom line is that he was into whatever it was that suited him at any given moment.

Let it go!

What is it that you are wanting?

How can you say that you know for a fact that she is bi? Why does it matter?

I am asking these questions because I have been with two different men that were bi and eventually decided to pursue others because I wasn't what they wanted/needed. After 15 years of marriage, I was told that he was bi and that we should see other people. I have 4 kids with one of them and tried the open relationship and all sorts of other things to try to make it work.

The other one I wasn't as surprised about because I knew going into it that he was bi. It still hurt that I was dumped by two different men because I don't have a penis. Ultimately, it doesn't matter. It hurts no matter how you look at it. If you want to be her friend, then you have to accept that this is who she is. She may claim to be straight, bi, lesbian, or something else at any given time. It is none of your business how she chooses to identify herself.

And, while it may hurt to see that she is on dating sites, that isn't your business either.   I am not saying this out of meanness or judgment. I am saying this because of my own experiences and my own frustrations with an ex bi partner that moved on rather quickly and used his status as bi as an excuse to dump me and/or open up the relationship. It is hard and it takes time.

[Grey Kitty]

Uhm, let me suggest that if you are sure you shouldn't get back in a r/s with her, for your own sake, steer clear of that.

That means don't worry about who else is getting in a r/s with her. Don't worry if she tells people she is lesbian, if she tells people she is bi, if she changes her mind, etc.

All it will do is bring back the hurt of how your r/s went down with her; try to direct yourself away from those thoughts and worries.

Block her profile on dating sites that you are on if you can, so you don't have to see it.

If you are friendly with her, try to keep your friendship to one where you don't ask her about who she is dating, and don't even talk to her about it if you can.