Introduction

[Devestated mum]

Hi all,
Irons this site yesterday,I joined up right away.

I think it could be my saving grace.

I am in a no contact situation and have been for the last 3years,yet I still have problems with my daughter.
I had the unfortunate event of bumping into her a few weeks ago,she said "you might of given birth to me but your not my mother"

She has managed to hurt me again.

The no contact was on the advice of the police after she had her stepdad arrested accusing him of common assault,thankfully the officer that was in charge of the case could see the situation for what it was and no charges were brought against him.

She had made allegations against other people in the past some very serious,no one was ever charged in theses cases.

She blames me for everything that go'es wrong in her life.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Lollypop]

Hi there devastated Mum

Welcome to the forum.  I'm very glad you found us and I'm very sorry to hear about your troubles with your daughter.  It's heartbreaking and BPD rages havoc on personal relationships, sadly that includes parents.

You've come to the right place for support, guidance and venting with other parents who know exactly how you're feeling.  There's many on the forum in a no contact situation, some with grandchildren. Any no contact is understandably incredibly difficult to cope with.

I encourage you to read as much as you can about BPD (top right hand side of this page).  If you've any questions then just post up and ask.  There's a lot to take in and it can be quite overwhelming at first, one step at a time.  It's takes a while to unravel and digest the information.  The more I learned the better I understand why my BPDs26 behaves as he does, such skewed and confused thinking at times.  His sense of reality, his memory of events are very different to mine but I know understand that he can't help the way he behaves.  What I've learnt (and still learning) is not to react to his behaviours.

Your daughters response to bumping into you must be feel very hurtful. Most probably she was caught unexpectedly and couldn't cope with her mix of emotions.  You can learn better ways of coping with your own reactions here with the tools and sharing your feelings.  You've come to exactly the right place.  

How old is your daughter and when was she diagnosed?

It'd be good to learn more about your situation so we can understand more.

Hugs

LP

[Devestated mum]

Hi ly pop,
My daughter is 32,when I look back it's always been this way only I did not recognise the signs.she has never had a clinical diagnosis of her own.

I spoke to my GP and a practice nurse they suggested either BPD or NPD.

From the behaviours I have witnessed I feel it's the latter.

I have read so much information on the subject but still don't clearly understand why she wants me dead.

Like your son,her reality differs from mine,and she's told some devastating lies all with the support of her father (my ex husband).

I feel particularly hurt right now after bumping into her all I do is cry.

She has a 3 year old son whom I was allowed to see for the first year of his life,then she banned me from seeing him so it's a double whammy.

My ex husband was an abusive man in always,she knows this but tells people I'm the abusive one.

I know longer feel angry with either of them just hurt that they lie so easily and never take responsibility for their behaviours.

She has fallen out with most of her friends over small insignifigate things.

Between them they have turned members of my own family against me.I feel very alone in all this and I can't understand how others cannot see the behaviours.

I am so fortunate to have found this site.

Thank you

[Lollypop]

Hi there devastated mum

Id feel exactly like you do, it's perfectly understandable that youve been so very upset. It's ok to have a good old cry, in fact it's a good thing. We live in a small town and seeing my BPDs walking around (he was living in a small garden shed on the other side of town - yes, this is true!) used to feel unbearable.

Your daughter can't help the way she behaves. It's hard for you to be in the receiving end of her feelings.

There's a lot in this forum who do t have access to their grandchildren whi can relate to your story. In fact, we all can and there's strength to be found in sharing.

Have you got any support for yourself?

Hugs to you

LP

[Devestated mum]

Hi lipop,

I have my son and daughter in law they have been amazing.

They are also NC with daughter as she has accused my daughter in law of neglect and abuse of her eldest child,of course it's unfounded.

Daughter admits to being jealous of them both and their children.

I also have my husband who is my rock,he saw the behaviour before I did,I accused him of being jealous of my daughter,that I am so sorry for and have apologised to him.

Hubby believes she was trying to split us up from when we first met and is angry with me for remarrying.

I do have one aunt left that supports me on my mothers side,my mother stopped speaking to me many years ago.

I think my mother is also a sufferer.

Hugs x

[Lollypop]

Hi DM

I'm glad to hear you've got family around you. I found that my friends just didn't understand, they got so fed up of me whinging about my problems I wore them down. Things got better when I started to see a counsellor for a while and it helped me vent.

My H has been by my side but we've not always seen eye to eye. We know better now.  When I wobble my H immediately copes but then mirrors my anxiety the following day. Now we can see the pattern we don't react to each other like we did. We get so fed up at times.

I decided I had to start living the life I wanted and desperately needed. We all deserve happiness. I started a part time art course and my life suddenly opened up.

Are you working?

LP

[Devestated mum]

I lost my best friend six weeks ago to cancer,I am still grieving her.

My daughter would of known this.

I look after my granddaughter 3days a week she's a little ray of sunshine.

She is going full time in September,so I'm preparing to go back to work part-time.

I am off on holiday in 3 weeks time we haven't had a holiday abroad for years so
I'm looking forward to two weeks in the sun.

Hubby and I try to steer away from discussing her now,we had so much drama with her.

Her having him arrested was the last straw,but having the police advise you to stay away from her kind of validated everything we were experiencing.

She blames me for everything that is wrong in her life,and tells people I chose my husband over her.

Hugs x