I'm in a similar place you are right now. During the relationship with my bod I was going thru a lot of my own personal stress... last week some of that lifted and it was odd really as my hate for him also started to lift.
My councilor gave me an assignment to write a letter to my x and not send it , so I did and it wasn't full of hate... .then I took down all the hate in my social media and placed a msg of peace ... as I know he checks it.
My x is in therapy, he would tell me that he wants to get out of his head and it has a hold on him... .he described what he goes thru... .it sounds like pure torture. That being said he got the false protective order on me. And we had silent battles in court his atty told me he only dumped me as he felt I deserved better.
I miss the good side of my x
The fun, carefree person
Helpful, that would massage my neck, take me shopping and hug and hold me
I miss him stopping during his lunch and giving me a kiss
But who I miss is the guy I got to know the act he puts on for everyone, the guy that made me laugh daily, the guy that would say goofy things to make me laugh... that person vanished in the relationship.
What I don't miss is him leaving me at nite, not spending the nite, rushing home to be online, dumping me for what he called rants, me setting boundaries... .
him saying he deserves to be alone and sitting in a room
I see him from a distance now and he walks on like we never knew each other at all... yet each day he is reminded of me. That's how detached mine is .
I can o lay hope that one day he finds some peace and maybe one day out of the blue he will thank me ... .but for now I grieve.and try to move on
Like many people who have conditions, illnesses, ailments of all kinds, if you asked them their opinion I'm sure no one wants the condition. Just like those who are BPD it's a shame as they didn't want it and were inflicted.
What great lovely beautiful people they would be if they didn't have this