It took a bit of time to get there. He had to have an outburst first. Rage a bit, yell, leave me, threaten to never speak again to only call a few hours later. Next time, calmer, much more level and he then read the text and apologized. Unfortunately, as much progress that was made from the moment by being able to talk about things in a calm and controlled manner. There's always something new and another topic to blame someone else on.
It's frustrating when we also want to be heard and validated, and they hear accusations and fight back. I'm exactly there. The more we ask for help, the more pain they give us. My gf realizes this and then she says we can't be together when I need her most.
I wish I can learn to radically accept this situation. I have to think that behind all the disregulated behavior and the things she says then, there is a person that loves me. And when she returns to base line she would be able to talk. But until then, I'm alone, and it's not easy nor fair.
Thank you, you summarized exactly how I feel. It's usually when I'm at my worst he decides it's time to leave or that I'm too good for him. I wish I had more people to talk to but most of my friends are pretty fed up with my S.O. and it's difficult for them to understand. He's also decided that he hates them now because they distanced themselves. So as a result, we both are a bit isolated.
You are in a relationship with an emotionally disabled person. I have to think of it this way - it helps me not resent or feel too upset that H has limits on the support he can provide for me emotionally. If he was wheelchair bound, I'd not be able to get too upset at his inability to help with yard work or change light bulbs - he just wouldn't be able to do them.
It's something that I definitely need to start thinking or seeing his BPD in a different way. You make a really great point that if it was another disability we'd have different expectations. How do you cope with things that you're going through when you need support from your H? Can they support us in a limited way? Or is just better to think that they can't manage it at all?