I went back and I listened to a couple arguments I had with my pwBPD in 2015. I know they're old, but happened to record those arguments, AND we had LITERALLY the exact same argument last week. So this is clearly consistent. I'm not really worried about the age of them.
I thought about sharing the whole transcript, but I thought maybe that would be going a little to far.
Instead, here are some key "talking points" (distorted thoughts?) that have been consistent throughout the past several years:
"I shouldn't have even married you"
"what I'm trying to do is get you to be a decent person, and stop abusing me, and stop being an abusive, cruel, lying ass."
"The OTHER thing ... .is that I expect you to protect our family from your vindictive c--- of a mother who wants to break us apart and see me without my child and suffering. "
This is a small sampling, but they're good examples.
It really helped me to listen to things in her words, and put them down on paper.
When I first listened to them, I said "Wow! These are crazy accusations! That's not me at all!"
But as I've been trying to write this post for the past 45 minutes or so, I've re-read them over and over again, and I'm realizing that I'm starting to believe her! I'm actually starting to think I AM a horrible abusive partner.
WHY in the H-LL AM I BUYING INTO THIS?