discouraged. Grandparents feeling hopeless

[Parents! Get help here!]

Our 23 year old grandson who has BPD came to live with us as a surprise. He is not serious about therapy. He has been in 2 different treatment facilities and was asked to leave because he became violent. He has no where to go. We are helpless. hopeless that he can get better. we want him to get a job. no ambition. wants to sleep most of the day. My husband and I are retired, our whole lives are turned upside down. so sad, I feel sorry for him and us too. signed, His Grandma

[grandma/grandpa]

Our 23 year old grandson who has BPD came to live with us as a surprise. He is not serious about therapy. He has been in 2 different treatment facilities and was asked to leave because he became violent. He has no where to go. We are helpless. hopeless that he can get better. we want him to get a job. no ambition. wants to sleep most of the day. My husband and I are retired, our whole lives are turned upside down. so sad, I feel sorry for him and us too. signed, His Grandma

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Austin53]

I am so sorry you are going through this with your Grandson. But you must set down written and signed rules to give him the opportunity to get in to treatment or follow your house rules.(i.e. Get a Job) chores, rent, and respect. Give him a timeline. Do not buy him a car, as you will be only doing it to make yourself feel better and he will not appreciate it. It will only confirm his sense of intitlement. Hopefully his parents will be on board and should know what you are doing. If he fails to meet the criteria change the locks. You cannot let him hold you or your emotions hostage. Easier said than done! Record his tirades with your phone. Yours and Grandpa mental stability is just as important as his. He does not think he has a problem, he believes everyone else does. Do not engage him, it's a roller coaster you won't be able to get off of. Good luck to you and your family. You will be glad you joined this group of knowledge and experience. You are a loving Grandma and only want what is best for him.  Signed Nana