Had a rough day with family day and wish my x BPD could have been normal

[Idsrvt2]

I have chronic health issues and they have been flaring

I had a girl stayingbwith me via Airbnb and she lied, I knew she was lying , but she lost my house key Andy my father , who is very self centered was going to fix it... .well after being at my place a few hours he yells and screams and blames me and says it's too,late to put a new lock on... .aka suddenly now my safety is no issue... .I pay for my families house they live in... .they leech and I'm sick of it.

But my x had no clue how much stress I was under, would it have changed our outcome, probably not

But tonite I miss his help... .I have no friends and no family

He helped me a lot ... .And he also hurt me each time he dumped me... .

I often wish we could have remained friends while he got therapy... .

My constant stresss just allowed me little patience ... .

So here I am all alone, going to change a door lock

I hate BPD for robbing me of someone
Yesterday I felt better... .it's like whenever something horrible and stressful happens I miss him... .

Sometimes I hope down the line after therapy maybe we could be friends... .but I'm not going to hope for that... .   I just can't grasp how he could have been so helpful and yet so cruel... .of course I understand the BPD ... the fear or abandonment, the never believing he was worth anything to me, the constant obsessing, and he was correct overly empathetic that it hurt... all feelings hurt... .

If my x did anything for me he showed my families true colors... .I'm going to sell the house ... .and be done with them... .
I'm just having a rough day... .but crying feels good
I thought my x was the one ... .

[SurvivingBP17]

Idsrvt2 I can understand the feeling of loss you feel and how easily that pain comes back, especially when the stress is high.

I saw that you mentioned that your pwBPD dumped you several times in the past before they sought therapy.  I am at a point in my own marriage where I may be headed in the same direction.  Much to my dismay I wish i would have learned about this message board much earlier. Perhaps then things would be different.

I am not sure if its inappropriate to ask this, while you are suffering from your own pain, but I have to ask:

Knowing what you know now, do you think you could have helped your pwBPD? I am at the beginning of another split-up and trying to reopen the communication lines before my pwBPD goes past the point of no return.  I should actually call it the point of no return for awhile, because there has always been a recovery. 

I also ask if you ever noticed a pattern in your pwBPD.  With mine it seems to be approximately every two to three months between major crisis, and about 8-9 between having to fend off catastrophe.   

Sorry you had such a rough day.  Hopefully the gray skies clear up tomorrow.  And remember that you as an individual are a separate entity from your pwBPD.  As I often try to remind myself, I do not own my pwBPD's crazy. And, I can coexist in my own sanity.   

[Idsrvt2]

I just tried for two long hours to install a lock on my door and pulled out my back... .sheesh I can put a computer together but the holes on this lock would not line up... .ah well it was a distraction... .

Ask as many questions as you would like... .I enjoy helping when I can, although I'm fairly new... .I have learned a lot.

Yes, I do think if I found this board and I knew it was BPD things would be different... .I understand so much now
What would happen with mine was that I would usually text about something  i.e. If I was upset he dropped me off early ... or texting anything he would see as mean... .I told him so often please let's not text as it's not good for us... .but he kept doing so... .he is my letter carrier , so would so up while working at my door... .
His pattern was every Friday I was dumped... .or something was going on

He felt he should live alone forever and I deserved better ... he thought every disagreement was the end of the world ... .he also feared me and told me he never felt comfortable around me... . mine has a protection order against me a false one Andy I got one on him... .it's sad really.  I often wish we could have just went on as friends... l.  I wonder sometimes if he feels the same as often days after breakups he would .,,, but the protection order made it so final... .that is up in July... .inwouldnt go back as his gf , but being civil if he is in therapy I wouldn't be against it.  I have high boundaries now... .counciling has helped me ... .he would never be in a position to hurt me again.    

I'm sorry you are going through this, but thank you for replying  SurvivingBP17

[SurvivingBP17]

He felt he should live alone forever and I deserved better ... he thought every disagreement was the end of the world ... .he also feared me and told me he never felt comfortable around me... .

I think my pwBPD shares some of the same irrational feelings.  I have definitely fielded comments and accusations about fearing me and how a life alone would be better than a life with me.  And while i used to handle the disagreements well, lately I've been getting resentful about it.  I think at times i would argue the opposite of my own beliefs just to see if I could get a to a place where we actually saw eye to eye.  But, even then the argument would still go on.  It was almost as if the concept of actually agreeing with another persons idea was impossible for my pwBPD. So now, i pretty much keep my ideas to myself, and just go with the flow.  Even if i know it will fail.  My general rule has been, if the failure of taking the path insisted upon won't hurt anyone, then I'll just go with the flow and prepare to deal with the results of the failure. I'm not sure of that's the right course of action to take, but in the spirit of stability, it seems to have worked in the past.

Unfortunately, at this point we are beyond argument, since there is currently 0 communication.  I wrote a letter today, trying to use some of the validation techniques.  Hopefully my pwBPD reads it and can begin to lower the level of agitation some.  For now though, I'll continue to hold the house together and continue working on the "Radical Acceptance".