Been struggling the past few days.

[vaztek2003]

Lately she's been haunting my dreams with the idea of us reaching a reconciliation, to wake up to reality.

Been two weeks of no contact, and a month since she told me she "really believed she was into girls" because a girl fingered her at school after four months of distance and no sex.

I think what hurts me the most is that her previous bfs got a multitude pf chances and I who treated this women like royalty was basically dumped over text and just discarded like nothing. She did text me a few days after the breakup to tell that "things was up in the air between us" and that she will always love and care for me and tgat Im going to be an important person in her life no matter what labels we hold for eachother. Some days after I message if we can finally talk on the phone at least and she sends me a love song link about a guy that did everything for a woman and she went with a different man only to realize the original man was her true love. Then silence... .especially after I sent 3 long texts declaring my love(like an idiot) final text I basically said I was going to stop bothering her that I just needed clpsure... .but 2 weeks now and not a peep. Im trying to stay strong but damn I wasnt worth even reply in her eyes? Thats some evil stuff from a woman that planted ideas of a future in my head... .

[roberto516]

I have a theory on this my friend. After the first discard I pleaded for a phone call. Told her how I was feeling and asked if she ever begged anyone for a chance like this. She said "yeah my fiancee" well he cheated on her. The coworker she dated before me was a narcissist and would always belittle her and text ex booty calls roght in front of her. She fought harder for them.

I feel like if we treated them like crap, which is how they view themselves deep down and expect to be treated, they woukd fight harder. They aren't use to caring people. So they push to self sabotage it. Push to get us to say something mean or to let them down. Tjen we are just like all the others.

I feel your pain though. It's really tough for me to roght now. I keep ruminating and am trying to do so much different but it's tough.

[vaztek2003]

I do agree with that train of thought... .towards the end she would always say that I deserved better and that she basically didnt provide anything to the relation... .I never asked for anything let alone 300 or more gifts like her ex all I would tell her is that her love is all I needed and would ask her if she "loved" me and she would reply "of course" and she would get mad if we didnt end a phone convo without an "I Love You" with the I... .it was of importance. But she would tell me that she would always think about how I deserved better. I know the relationship wasnt healthy but to just be discarded off and not even a text attempt in 2 weeks does a lil something to the ego. Like damn I spoiled you to the point her fam and one friend (who she doesnt really like) would even joke that all she had to do was look at something and Id have already bought it... .not even a simple text, ! This illness is insane. Thanks for the reply again Roberto... .been on my headfor like 3 days and im on vacay right now

[roberto516]

I get it man. A month after the first discard I went on a hiking trip. I used to go on them all the time, and absolutely love them. Get immersed in nature, recharge myself, etc. Well I was miserable. Each hike was me thinking about us and everything. It was awful.

Yeah it does stink doesn't it? To show someone so much love and dedication only to be tossed away without a thought. But I know where they are coming from. In between BPD exe's I met a pretty decent woman. She treated me really well. Well I ended it abruptly and didn't give her a chance to meet up and talk, try again. Maybe this is karma for that. But I know what I did. I was afraid to be hurt. So I pushed her away. I wasn't "enamored" with her. The only decent thing I think I did with that was it lasted only about 2 months and then I ended it. Once I realized it wasn't what I wanted I ended it. I didn't promise her the world. I didn't love bomb her. I didn't get her "hooked". I didn't use her for anything.

But back to your point. She also told me that I deserved better. Well there's truth to that. It's just frustrating because we are all adults. We can put work into something if we really want it. But I think one of the common themes with this disorder is to give up when things get tough/work needs to be put in.

And that they are searching for the perfect parental caretaker in a partner. And we can't do that. It's a relationship from our viewpoint. And a relationship involves give and take. A parental relationship doesn't. Parents give and sacrifice for their children. A child isn't supposed to reciprocate that. It's sad really. My ex said she needs to work on herself, and can't rely on me anymore. Well she damn sure is still relying on her parents like she always has. So nothing will change with her. She will "work on herself" which means be just as self-centered and put her needs first like before. Second a guy shows interest (She has no social life, coworkers who were men, etc.) But now she's moving to a new job so I'm sure she will have male co-workers. And just like that she will pick up her next victim and it will all start over again.

I'm not sure about your situation. But if you were the caretaker, like I was, she will reach out if she feels helpless, and there is no one else. That's why she has kept giving me bread crumbs for 6 months. She is fighting this battle to stay single, but when it gets to be too much she reaches out. She knows I'll answer the call. As I'm sure yours will. I think mine is done finally. But for you I would prepare myself. Don't think it won't happen. I did. And it happened way too many times. 

[once removed]

when she would tell you that you deserved better, how did you respond?

[vaztek2003]

I would just ask her why she thought so lowly of herself, which she never knew... .and would just say that all I needed was her love, everything else I provide for myself. Would ask her if she loved me and she would literally say of course, yes. Talking with her was always hard cause as Roberto says when things got hard in the convo the replies would turn into "I dont know"

I do agree with the thought that they associate a relationship with that of a parent/child. This is a woman who would not even attempt to drive in the snow and would always wait on others to bring her. A woman who would get "depressed" or mad because her moms bf would eat a lot of food to the point she couldnt find something she wanted, while forgetting that she is a grown woman living with her parents with a job who could provide for herself.

I hated how everything she did was based of research she did online... .for example we went to her first concert and she looked up how to dress what to bring what to wear... .how to act. Everything she did she followed. With social media it was the same she deactivates it for a whileafter her exes continiously bother her on em or people dont like her pics as much as another persons... .but then reactivates them because she likes how it feels when her "friends" first contact her. Great example of it on our final mall trip we we t to F21 and she saw a jean overall and said how stupid of a fashion it was... .only to 2 weeks later ask me how Id think shed look in one as she was online shopping.

Me pampering her would bring her joy till something would cross her be it 5 minutes after me leaving. She would always say how muchshe missed me, saying "you dont know how much I seriously miss you already alwmost everytime id leave.