Today was harder than yesterday...

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

It was graduation for my kindergarteners so at least I was distracted.

Many increasingly desperate texts and a 5 minute long rambling, sobbing voice mail about how loving me is killing him. That he doesn't understand why all the women he's attracted to are "addicted to heroin" and he just wants to be healthy. No, I don't think he actually means that we're addicted to heroin, but rather that we are all dysfunctional in our thoughts and behaviors and drive HIM to madness.

Not ready to post on detaching, I have no plans to return to the relationship but I am definitely conflicted and feel like my people are here. I will get there eventually.

Didn't go to the police station yesterday, didn't have the bandwidth for it.

I don't know - no real point to this post except to just let you know I'm here. Not doing particularly well, but I'm here.

[Lalathegreat]

It was graduation for my kindergarteners so at least I was distracted.

Many increasingly desperate texts and a 5 minute long rambling, sobbing voice mail about how loving me is killing him. That he doesn't understand why all the women he's attracted to are "addicted to heroin" and he just wants to be healthy. No, I don't think he actually means that we're addicted to heroin, but rather that we are all dysfunctional in our thoughts and behaviors and drive HIM to madness.

Not ready to post on detaching, I have no plans to return to the relationship but I am definitely conflicted and feel like my people are here. I will get there eventually.

Didn't go to the police station yesterday, didn't have the bandwidth for it.

I don't know - no real point to this post except to just let you know I'm here. Not doing particularly well, but I'm here.

[DaddyBear77]

Lala, glad you checked in.

What are your plans for this summer? Now that the school year is wrapping up, what kinds of things do you have planned to continue the distractions, and more importantly, loving and caring for yourself?

[formflier]

Didn't go to the police station yesterday, didn't have the bandwidth for it.
 

I'm glad you are still hanging in there.

For what purpose would you go to the police station?

Some kind of RO?

FF

[Grey Kitty]

  Don't have much to say, just wanted to know that I'm out here and that I know what you are going through is really hard. 


Have you talked to him or contacted him since he kicked you out of his place and told you to take your stuff from your drawer?

[Lalathegreat]

Hi guys... .

FF - was thinking that I would go to the police station to see what would the process would be if I chose to seek a no contact or restraining order. I have never been in the position of needing one. I figured I would go in, describe what happened and ask them for options. I wasn't committed necessarily to any particular action but wanted to understand the process.

I have always been afraid that given his volatility, he would seek me out if he didn't feel that he had been "heard". Even though he said PLENTY, he continues to text with new material and I have gone completely N/C. It's less of an issue now that the school year has ended and I'm only on campus to clean up my classroom and attend some meetings, but I have always been afraid of him showing up at my job, in front of those sweet children and causing a scene of some kind. I have also taken great care to protect my own children from the chaos in this relationship and fear him showing up at the house and causing issues in front of them. I haven't made a decision one way or the other on that, I just wanted to maybe get some information about the options.

As for summer plans Daddybear, I have registered for a November marathon so will be doing some focused training. I am also going to take a course this summer at the local community college that focuses on "inclusion" in early childhood education. I want to seek out a codependents anonymous meeting once a week to attend and will continue working with my therapist. My middle child is graduating from high school so it will be my last summer with him before he dives into college so I plan to spend as much time as I can with my children. (They are teenagers so I should say that I plan to spend as much time with them as they will tolerate, ha!) I am very lucky to have many wonderful things in my life to focus on - although admittedly at the moment I feel like I am putting stuff on the calender for the sake of putting stuff on my calender. My heart isn't in it yet - I'm hoping that I will get there.

I have stayed strong on the N/C GK - but it's been incredibly hard. Much harder than I anticipated. When I left his apartment that morning I had no doubt what needed to happen. I still do, but I have been caught off guard by how much I "think" I miss him. Worse even is how much I miss his son. I spend a lot of time thinking about "Oh it's this time, I bet they're doing this or that... ." I'm sure that will get easier with time.

At any rate, I started reading "Boomerang Love" by Lynn Melville and find that it is bringing me a measure of comfort. One foot in front of the other, one day at a time.

[Grey Kitty]

When I left his apartment that morning I had no doubt what needed to happen. I still do, but I have been caught off guard by how much I "think" I miss him.

  The loss is real. The missing him is real.

Knowing that you need to stay apart doesn't change that.

Worse even is how much I miss his son. I spend a lot of time thinking about "Oh it's this time, I bet they're doing this or that... ." I'm sure that will get easier with time.

And missing his son is worse--you aren't afraid of his son. More likely, you are afraid for his son... .and still, there really is nothing you can do for his son now. Heartbreaking.

Take good care of yourself, I think you are doing the right things, and yes, time will help.

[Doughboy]

Worse even is how much I miss his son. I spend a lot of time thinking about "Oh it's this time, I bet they're doing this or that... ." I'm sure that will get easier with time.

This one is for real. The Ex had 2 teenage daughters that adored me, and I them.  I was actually told they trusted me, and my opinions, more then their Father's.  I think of all of the planned things I have missed and all of the things we talked about doing this Summer.

Probably the worst was them still texting and Snapchating me after I was told to never contact her, the family, or her kids again during her last projection filled nasty text.  Having to shut that down so no one got in trouble broke my heart.  THose girls finally had a positive male influence in their life and it was ripped away... .

[formflier]

I would recommend calling a local DV support group to set up a visit and talk about the local process.

If you want to visit police after that to confirm that process... .it will likely give you peace of mind.

I would not tell police the story... unless you are seeking an order or filing report.

FF