New - 29 yr old daughter and so discouraged.

[Showjumper]

I don't even know where to start. Daughter was diagnosed Bipolar about 9 yrs ago. She had several early short hospitalizations while getting stable and for the past 7 years has done really well, talented pianist going to a great music college, good grades, etc. and is a sweet natured person. Then 3 months ago her psych doc abruptly took her off one of her meds due to a potentially serious side effect and she went right into severe Bipolar mania and ended up hospitalized involuntarily at a state hospital which was a living nightmare for her and for us.
I wore myself ragged trying to do whatever I could to help, and she did give permission for her docs to talk to me. When I did, one of them mentioned "her BPD traits'" and when I was taken aback he looked surprised that I didn't know anything about that dx. She also has PTSD from being an Iraq veteran. And this past year was finally diagnosed as on the Autism spectrum. I am completely overwhelmed and the complexity of her diagnoses make it hard to know where she can even get help. I have had to step back and care for myself for a while. I'm in contact, and try to talk to her without judgement  oand diffuse things if I can or at least end on an upnote if possible, but I feel such acute loss, as we've always been very close. Thanks for listening to my ramble. So happy to be here.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Glenna]

Hi Showjumper,

I'm sorry for your pain. Mine is different, but I sympathize and empathize and didn't like seeing you have no replies. I know I have felt bad when I post here and get no support.
My BPD daughter is 37 and lives with me with her 2 sons. She is always troubled. It is as if she has a black hole inside her that pulls us all in. She refuses to get help, even though she rages at me horribly most days. I do little else in my life besides try to keep order and peace. I hope that since your daughter is getting help there will be improvement.

I am looking into c-ptsd therapy for myself and hopefully for my daughter. She had no abuse in her childhood, but she did have some trauma.
We had also been very close and loving and it has taken a long time for me to accept the loss of that. I can say now that with the acceptance I still feel close to her, but it is in a very different way.

I think it's so important for both BPDs and their loved ones to have good therapists. I recently started with someone who is familiar with BPD. I was hopeful, but this week I heard some invalidation. It made me realize how painful invalidation is. For me, as soon as I am invalidated, I turn on myself and get confused and depressed.

I hope things improve for your daughter and you.

Glenna

I tried to reduce the type size but couldn't. : {

[wendydarling]

Hi Showjumper   

I join Glenna welcoming you to bpdfamily and we are so happy you found us too!

I'm so sorry for what you’ve been going through these last few months, a nightmare as you say. As you’ll see parents here are dealing with similar situations to you, you are not alone. From what I recall there are parents here with loved ones dx bipolar – BPD/traits, complex dx's.

It’s no wonder you are overwhelmed, exhausted, I’m glad you are standing back and caring for you. SJ do you have a family member, friend you can talk to?

I wonder why the Dr was surprised you’d not been party to your DD’s dx BPD traits, as parents of adult children we are only party to what our children share with us, or allow us to speak with the medics with their permission as you did.  Did the Dr explain the BPD traits to you, had they offered your DD treatment? My 28DD was dx BPD with depression, anxiety 2 years ago (attended DBT the last 12 months), I’m party to what she shares, she is in control of her recovery and management of, she pretty open, I’m there to listen when she needs me, knows I’m walking beside her on the path and she knows I love her dearly as ever, that has not changed. 

What are you diffusing SJ? What’s happening?

WDx 

[Showjumper]

Thanks Glenna for your reply. I had written a whole post and lost it. It must be so hard for you with children added to the mix. I feel for you. I was offline due to daughter's barn manager calling me to tell me she's not paying the board for her horse. I went down there and got him and brought him up here with me, because this is just easier for me right now. Five hour round trip.
I feel a mix of anger and sadness and loss right now. I've been reading on this site and it's helping. I love her dearly but don't like her very much right now.

[Showjumper]

Thank you wendy darling (love the name) for your kind response. I have been occupied dealing with daughter's horse and moving it, so I couldn't reply earlier but it means a lot. Daughter is an Iraq veteran and so is treated by the VA which has it's plus and minus. She has been in cbt first and for a year or two has been doing dbt. She doesn't want any medication for Bipolar and feels she's not Bipolar any more. Dr apparently never mentioned BPD to her and I know she'd deny it anyway. Never formally diagnosed but has most of the traits. I think it was just me being in denial for so long about that. I work in the mental health field and it seems the way so many doctors look at BPD is that they portray it as so hard to treat, if they will even accept treatment.
As far as someone to talk to, she was my someone, and I was her go to person as well. We have always been close. Now I feel I don't even know her. I am reeling with the loss of her.
I feel my job right now is to step back a bit and take care of myself and learn as much about it as I can.