It never ends... going on 3 years.

[Herodias]

So, my lawyer told me that because he wasn't served enough days before court, she was going to try and continue it to another date. So today she calls me and says that he showed up for court and the Judge wanted her to go down to the court house. She finally lets me know that because of a lot of issues, they dismissed the case and we can get another date which will be in another month! His lawyer didn't technically release him. My lawyer said she didn't get the official notice that he was served. Also, with the holiday, they didn't have enough time to continue it. This is embarrassing! I said I hope I am not going to have to pay for all of this, she said no, that she will not charge me for all these mishaps. But geez... .when does this ever end! I could have gone down there and we could have gotten this over with. He drove 8 hours to get here and will have to come back. I don't know if this has even encouraged him to do what he is supposed to do! This is just all ridiculous... .I think we are going on 3 years of lawyers now! I think I was divorced last June... .This is crazy. Why can't things just get settled... .this is why the courts are all booked up- all these mistakes! I am so mad... .I needed to vent.

[david]

I have a very different view of the legal system now because of my experiences and it is not a positive view.
It took me from 2007 until 2010 before things kind of settled down. Things started going in my favor after that and ex decided not to go to court anymore. She stopped the legal stuff once the rewards for her stopped. She has threatened legal action several times since then but I did not react and she never followed through.

[Herodias]

David, I feel the same way. I happened to see someone I used to have as a client today. I just told her that my lawyers keep making mistakes and this seems to never end. She is or was on the state board of lawyers. (I figured she didn't want to know this), but she told me this is why you don't get married! Some answer! I wish they would start telling people this stuff! What about people that believe in marriage or are faith based? I'm disgusting in the system. I told my lawyer today that I feel like I am being screwed over by my ex and now them. She said she understands, but still now I'm  waiting to see what happens next. They want me to come in and see how I want to proceed. I said I thought you were going to set another date? I was perfectly willing to do this on my own when it first came up, but she said she wanted to finish it. I told her I cannot afford to come back in and talk for another hour. Just get the money he has screwed me over on and let's have him pay it through the courts like I originally asked so I wouldn't be in this situation having to use lawyers in the first place! I'm so disappointed. No one seems to be helping me at all. Even the judge who let his lawyer get away with him not being there the last time and I should have won the case, but the judges seem to be covering for the lawyers. I can't even claim malpractice- it's just not right.

[david]

I am on my second lawyer. It took me a long time for me to figure out my first lawyer was not good. I didn't understand the legal system and I assumed my attorney would handle/explain/etc everything to me. I finally found another attorney. This attorney was a little more expensive per hour but gave me a lot of "consideration" ( no charge) time on his bills. He never made a mistake and was much better prepared. I talked to quite a few before I found him.
One thing I learned, or better understood, was that he was working for me and I had to tell him what I wanted. Why the second one worked was that when I did that he explained the why/how/etc on what he needed to accomplish my goal. He also challenged me when he thought I was off base. If I explained myself better and he agreed he would say so. I knew what to expect when we went to court much better than with my first attorney. It was a team effort.

[Herodias]

Well, that's good. I keep thinking I am in too deep with this one to start over. She was highly recommended and actually well respected for her work. Expensive and very experienced. She has done this for years. I just had the feeling she has heard it all and didn't really believe me or explain things to me as you said. This other lawyer in her office now is helping her her help me. She explains things to me, but may be newer to it. I am glad you found someone new to help you. I just want this over with.

[david]

She could be a good lawyer and just made a mistake.
I got the feeling that my second attorney wasn't quite sure about what I was telling him about my ex at first. Fortunately, I only communicate with my ex by email. That started in 2008 or 2009. I printed a bunch and had him read them. He saw my replies as reasonable and couldn't understand what my ex was trying to say. I told him there are some that are reasonable from her but the ones I gave him were typical.
My ex filed for divorce in 2007 and kept delaying things. It took my new attorney some time to get things on track. When we finally had a date for the equitable distribution conference my ex sent a 20 to 30 page document. She valued our possessions at 1.2 million dollars and claimed I had stolen it all. The real valuation was considerably under six figures. She also had four pages, in her own handwriting, with items I stole and their values. I had pictures, from the internet, showing the majority of the items she listed in her new residence. My counter was to agree to the 1.2 million and simply say she could keep all the items and just give me my half in cash. My attorney loved that idea because he said her attorney, once she saw some of the evidence, would settle without going to court. Once my attorney showed opposing counsel three or four of the pictures from the big pile she took her client out of the room and we settled in under 15 minutes. Time has a way of making these memories funny.
I found that agreeing, when I can, with my ex's notions and finding a solution that favors me works well in court. It helps that my ex has a unique ability to weave tales that are so far fetched from reality that it is easy for others to see.
I used to be approached by people she worked with when I was out doing chores. I didn't always recognize them but they did recognize me. They would start with small talk and then tell me how crazy my ex has become. I listened and smiled.
It does get better but I do regret the time it took.

[sfbayjed]

It is not just bad lawyers that you need to watch out for. Bad custody councilors, therapist, mediators, custody evaluators can do much more damage. Most of the smart ones do other things besides family court stuff. Also this is just a guess and just based on my experience but I would also say that in this group there is a much higher percent of people who themselves have BPD than in the general population.

I had bad lawyers but that was nothing compared to a disordered ex finding a disordered recommending therapist for the kids.
But then I digress... .

I am going to go against the advice most give on this board and say that as soon as you are emotionally able, hit the books and ditch the lawyer.
Don't think it ends when the divorced ends if you have kids. She will use the kids one way or another to engage you. They love it if they can drag you into court and eat up your lawyers time and cost you money.

[ForeverDad]

My lawyer had some 17 years experience, by now well over 25 years.  Right after the final decree was issued she ignored the order with a vacation, without any written notice, dates.  She had previously mentioned "spring break" but nothing else and then she was gone the week after spring break.  She didn't even notify the school.  My lawyer said it was a slam dunk  and we filed Contempt of Court.  Imagine my shock when the magistrate declared she was "not 'technically' in contempt because she had an inability to comply.  The magistrate reasoned that the old order (no effort to comply) had ended and the new one had not been in force long enough (30 days) and so she was unable to comply (again, no effort to comply).

My advice, don't get a final decree in March.  Or May (for summer vacations).  Etc.

Good lawyer, but court or filing/notice requirements finding a loophole.  Yes, even the good ones get flummoxed.  So the better question is whether this incident merits changing lawyers.  For all you know the next one might make mistakes or allow gotchas too.