Gold Standard for BPD Treatment

[Parents! Get help here!]

I've resorted back to begging for help for my BPD daughter. It's not the first time.

The gold standard for BPD is DBT in an intensive and residential setting. The McLean Gunderson Center which is part of Harvard University is the best of the best.

I've called them before but thought I'd call again. People are compassionate right? I am not ashamed to beg for help for a child who is on the fast path to becoming a statistic.

Residential treatment for BPD is $1500 a day, minimum of 56 days (or what they consider two months). I'll do the math for you. $84,000. They do take private insurance but it only covers a small portion of the cost and is hard to get approved. My daughter has medicaid so that covers nothing there.

So I said to the kind intake lady what I say when we hit a wall. I'll invite you to the funeral.

I can't get my daughter the help she needs because mental illness is not covered like physical illness. How outraged would we be as a county if children were dying from Autism or Down's? Somehow services are available for those disabilities. But have BPD, BP, Schizophrenia and watch your child struggle and spiral and become a statistic.

Please don't tell me to have hope. Treatment equals hope and we've exhausted everything available. I have pages and pages of referrals in two notebooks and well, she's not well, not even close to it.

I have yet another weekend to wait for the call. You know, the crisis call. And when it comes I will tell them I asked for help. Really I did, again and again and again.

[Slwinner]

I've resorted back to begging for help for my BPD daughter. It's not the first time.

The gold standard for BPD is DBT in an intensive and residential setting. The McLean Gunderson Center which is part of Harvard University is the best of the best.

I've called them before but thought I'd call again. People are compassionate right? I am not ashamed to beg for help for a child who is on the fast path to becoming a statistic.

Residential treatment for BPD is $1500 a day, minimum of 56 days (or what they consider two months). I'll do the math for you. $84,000. They do take private insurance but it only covers a small portion of the cost and is hard to get approved. My daughter has medicaid so that covers nothing there.

So I said to the kind intake lady what I say when we hit a wall. I'll invite you to the funeral.

I can't get my daughter the help she needs because mental illness is not covered like physical illness. How outraged would we be as a county if children were dying from Autism or Down's? Somehow services are available for those disabilities. But have BPD, BP, Schizophrenia and watch your child struggle and spiral and become a statistic.

Please don't tell me to have hope. Treatment equals hope and we've exhausted everything available. I have pages and pages of referrals in two notebooks and well, she's not well, not even close to it.

I have yet another weekend to wait for the call. You know, the crisis call. And when it comes I will tell them I asked for help. Really I did, again and again and again.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Yepanotherone]

We shall wait for the crises call together Slwinner , I'm right there with you . Huge blowout with my DD yesterday . I've been doing so well in remaining patient , trying not to judge , not going off the deep end even with behaviors that are clearly outrageous ( eg peeing on the sofa because she couldn't be bothered to get up , flicking cigarette ash on my brand new outdoor rug and rubbing it in with her foot , filthy dishes left lying in her room day after day ). I've been doing well keeping my temper with the latest ER visit ( recreational drug induced seizure ), emails and calls from her online school calling me to try and encourage her to get her work done ( you don't think I'm trying ?) , micromanaging every aspect of her life , even setting her alarm to try and make sure she gets up in time for me clocking out  from work for a bit to get her to therapy, probation meetings , drug test center random testings,  her own work , school etc etc .
Well yesterday , to cut a long story short , I went off the deep end when I came home and found her still in her bed , sitting on her phone , purposefully missing the online school lesson she was supposed to be logged into . It wasn't pretty .It was a screaming match and I said some harsh things ( all true though !) I'm not proud . But also I'm not giving myself a hard time because I'm only human and there are only so many presses my buttons can take .
Suffice to say we had quite a night of it after my outburst and it included her texting " I hate your guts " to me and screaming at me and my husband , when we refused to turn the wifi back on at 1 am ( we switch it off at nighttime so she can't stay online all night ) when we were trying to sleep . She literally stormed into our bedroom , demanded the wifi be turned on , we responded no because it's time to sleep , so non perturbed , she sat on our bed and switched on the tv , stating she was not going to move until "you dumb morons switch on the wifi "and my husband at this point lost his temper and almost pushed her off our bed , telling her to her the hell out of our room and get to bed , adding " you little s**t !" Into the equation !
Some night !
Today , did we get an apology ? Nope ! She had some fresh cuts on her legs . I feel guilty about that . But know what ? I am just so tired of all this bulls***t. I'm exhausted, haven't slept well for weeks, despite trying various sleep aids .  Today , for maybe the second time , I feel like I simply don't care . Let her flunk school . Let her get herself into deeper trouble legally with bad choices in friends, promiscuous sex and substance abuse .  Let her lose her job . I'm tired trying to protect her from her own actions and choices . Maybe I really do just need to let her fail .
Anyway she's off out again and I can't even be bothered giving her a curfew . Let her stay out all night . I don't care right now . I'm going to take a double dose of sleeping meds and try to get a full night sleep in peace . My oldest daughter is getting worried about me , she told me last night she hasn't seen me laugh in so long . She gives great advice . " let her flunk school mum . You've tried your best . She'll have to live with it herself ".
Urgh . I'm just tired . And I'm so feeling your pain and stress xxxx I'm right there with you .

[Lollypop]

Hi SL & Yep

I've found a residential place for my DS. Minimum stay 60 days at £350 pn = £21k plus assessment fees. This is out of the question because I can't take the risk that my DS would be able to stay off drugs or that he'd respond to the treatment. I've read so many stories about this type of treatment not working. We all want that quick fix and it comes with a big price tag.

As hard as it is, I believe the only way is the long way. It's excruciating, overwhelming and devastating all at the same time. Living in fear is terrible.

I'm so very sorry you're going through this right now. I wish I could sit down and have a cup of tea together. Life's not fair and that's a fact.

What I can say is that my own life started to improve when I started to look outwards. I started to do things that I enjoyed, I put myself first. We all deserve happiness. This isn't abandonment, it doesn't mean I'm a bad mother. It's a win win. I not only started to heal myself, I was also demonstrating what it means to take care of yourself.

You're both great mothers. Forced up against that wall is terrifying - step away for a little bit and breathe. Take care of yourselves in any way that you can.

Do something just for yourself today if at all possible.

Yep: the eggs can wait. Time to try and find your smile instead. Your older daughter is right.

SL: what kind of support are you getting to help you through this?

Two massive hugs to you both

LP  

[Yepanotherone]

LP I'm with you in regards whether or not to bite the bullet and place pretty much our financial livelihood into the hands of a residential placement . As you know , I've been in the situation quite a few times now whereby we've been so close to sending my DD to an RTC . Her last hospitalization in March almost concluded with her going to a DBT RTC in Indiana , but it fell through at the last minute with Insurance refusing to authorize . We simply cannot throw every penny we own into this . The RTC was going to cost us $800 per day ! That's just crazy ! We have lives we need to fund and an older daughter who is returning to University. And with no guarantee that the RTC would make a blind bit of difference , we just can't do it . I have done so much research over the last year into RTC's and I just can't imagine it working for my DD . It may work for the time she's in there , but I think the biggest challenge would be returning home and suddenly losing that rigid structure again once home .

[Yepanotherone]

How's the weekend going for you so far SL ? I went to a festival today with my older daughter and her boyfriend and we had a lovely day . My BPD DD actually came home 15 mins BEFORE curfew last night and actually SET HER OWN ALARM to get up for work this morning , and she's worked three shifts today so home tonight feeling very tired . I'm actually shocked that she got herself up this morning for work and that she was home last night at a decent hour . If only life was nice and simple like this all the time !

LP thankyou for the hugs xxx I did leave the eggs on the roof ! They are pretty baked on there !It's going to take a lot of vinegar to get them off now , but hey ho , it was too nice a day here to get on the roof to clean it !