Hi atmywitsend
I'm very sorry that your feeling at a loss right now. Things can get quickly out of proportion sometimes when everybody is so emotional. You're of course right about there being no quick fixes for your daughter and this fact can be very overwhelming. Understandably you've got worries about your daughter and her baby.
Have you heard of FOG? This refers to our own feelings of being fearful, obligated or guilty. I've knocked around in these three for many years. I know better now, I don't always succeed in pulling myself out but at least I can accept the state. I never make decisions when I'm in FOG - in fact I hardly ever make decisions straight away any more preferring to mull things over.
You don't know what the future holds for your daughter. so if you can, try and stay in the present.
Your description of your daughter getting very irritated was so very good. It could have been a description of my DS. Living in a shared space is never easy and I can see that you don't want to change your way of living (there's no judgement here). It is of course your home and you should be able to do whatever you want to. However, that's not the case when there's another adult invited in - there has to be some degree of cooperation. For instance, I'm fed up of my kitchen counter never being wiped down and there's always somebody else's leftover crumbs on the breadboard. There's crumbs inside the tub of butter. These small things drive me crazy. I do ask, it gets ignored most of the time and I don't push it because in the larger scheme of things these are irrelevant.
Sleep isn't a small thing though. You're asking your daughter to put up with having her sleep disturbed without complaint. Personally, I get very irritable if I don't get my sleep and I'd struggle. I can see the camping out is a temporary arrangement - how long will it be until her space is ready?
Her irrational thinking is stronger than the both of us and it dooms us into a never ending struggle to identify what is and is not real which will pit us against one another forever like Sisyphus and the stone. We can never be close, and we can never be at peace with each other, and we will both always be exhausted and cranky from being doomed to keep pushing that stone for the rest of my days.
It doesn't have to be this way. Your daughter can't help the way she behaves. Yes, her thinking is skewed and whatever she feels is fact to her. An emotional environment is triggering and a calm, loving and nurturing environment is needed. You are in control over yourself and how you react to your daughter. It's up to you to decide if you are prepared to learn the new skills you need to more effectively interact with your daughter. We all understand and are here to lend you support if you need it.
Hugs to you. I'm very sorry you're down. Try to do something for yourself today if you can.
LP